Thursday, January 29, 2009

Semi-Final Beer Drinkers

Today is semi-final Thursday. It is the semi-final of my life and of those in the Australian Open. This week is like the super duper ultra mega deluxe edition of hell week. Things to do include paper (in Theology), brochures, deliverable (MIS122), status report, speech, midterm (OS), and marketing. I want to add more things but I don't take-in caffeine anymore so I'm fine with these things for now.

On a side note, I have tips for you to keep yourself awake in the most crucial moments of your life. However, I am not liable when anything undesirable happens to you. I'll just share 5 tips.

Tip#1: Slap yourself silly when you think you'll doze off in a while. Make sure to slap both cheeks (you decide which cheek you're thinking of).

Tip#2: Sit straight or just stand. Never lie down. Or say, "I'll just rest my eyes." We all know you're lying and just trying to fool yourself. If you said that already, slap yourself. Shame on you.

Tip#3: Watch a horror movie if you have time. A really scary one. This can backfire, though. If you get so scared, you'd rather sleep than be awake and have the possibility of seeing a girl crawl out from your television set.

Tip#4: Wash your face. Then dry your face by doing jumping jacks. It doesn't hurt to use a towel, too.

Tip#5: Try drinking hot decaffeinated coffee or caffeine-free tea. Its psychological effect could help. BUT if you really want to be up and running for some time, try drinking boiling coffee or tea.

In Melbourne, Serena won her semi-final match over Elena Dementieva. 3 Russians in the semi-finals, wow. That's not fresh news, okay. Russians have been everywhere in the tennis world. They're like mushrooms in the tennis circuit. I like most of them except a few but it doesn't really matter because global warming is more important than Russian tennis. Then there's the all-Russian affair of Dinara Safina and Vera "the Last Girl" Zvonareva. (Last Girl is equal to when you're in the class list, and it's arranged alphabetically, Zvonareva isn't exactly the name to appear at the top/start of the list.) Aside from both are Russians, both of them are diva juniors. (Because Serena Williams is the Mother Diva) Vera and Dinara can berate officials, break racquets, cuss like sailors (where did this come line come from?), and all tennis diva acts possible.

So I'm working downstairs and our TV is locked at the Aussie Open live telecast. People here noticed Dinara Safina's abdominal area. Obviously, she doesn't have the flattest stomach in the world and I don't care. However, people here care. My brother said Dinara looks like her brother in some ways, and she looks like a.... baby. Someone asked, "Is she pregnant? Looks like 3 months to me." Another would say, "She drinks a lot of beer." And the final blow said, "When you're with girls like that, you should hide." Of course I asked why, then the reply was, "Girls like that eat a lot, ask you to treat them. Extra rice, and 'Are you going to finish your rice? Can I have it?' and all." Ooooohkay.

But it doesn't matter. Tennis matters. And she won. She'll face Serena Williams in the Finals. That's good. She said that her brother's birthday was 2 days ago and reaching the Finals means she now has money to buy him a present. Haha.

More good news, Daniela Hantuchova and Ai Sugiyama are off to the Women's Doubles Finals after disposing Natalie Dechy (France) and Mara Santangelo (Italy). Guess who'll be their opponents? The Williams sisters (or brothers, as my evil blockmate usually says)! The Williams sisters downed Cassey Dellacqua of Australia and Francesca Schiavone of Italy. I am a Serena/Venus Williams and Daniela Hantuchova fan. So, 2 is to 1, I want the Williams sisters to own Australian Open. For the singles, it's a tough choice because I want Dinara to win; however, this is Serena's year as she seems to be following a trend. She won the Aussie Open Women's Singles 2003, 2005 and 2007, 2009 is next and guess what, it's 2009!

MORAL: You may have the biggest stomach around, or any other thing most people would consider an eye sore, but sometimes it doesn't matter. It'll only matter the moment you consider it does.

Friday, January 23, 2009

The Day The Tennis World Stood Still

Ana Ivanovic is going home after being wiped out by a Maria Sharapova sound-alike (not look-alike) Russian player Alisa Kleybanova. And this is the day after Venus Williams was outmuscled by Carla Suarez Navarro from Spain yesterday. By who? Good question. 2 hours and 44 minutes of 50 unforced errors from Ana Ivanovic, and she's out of the tournament. I think this is because of the Wimbledon-movie like curse I have presented in Vaidisova's case. Turns out Ana is suffering from the same curse. Fernando Verdasco/Verdascurse is playing well while Ana just got the next week free from playing tennis. Aside from Verdascurse, it's not a surprise that when Maria Sharapova is not participating in the same competition, Ana gets blasted off the tournament. Append the idea that Kleybanova sounds/shrieks like Sharapova, is a smashing thought.

Now, the next paragraph is about.. life. Tennis and life without Marat Safin. (He lost in straight sets to Roger Federer and Marat's fine with it, because he said at least he lost to Roger, whom he considers the best tennis player.) He said he's going to retire, but you know, I'm sure almost 85-95% of the female tennis fans around the world is still hoping that he would change his mind, become a liar again, and not retire. If he truly does retire, there'll be like a year-long series of posting about him. Or not.

MORAL: That's the beauty in sports, you can never be too sure. Actually, it's also the sad part about it. Dang.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

The Search for Mr. Australian Open

On Friday, the battle of former world no. 1's will take place as Marat Safin and Roger Federer will outhit each other for the 3rd Round of the Australian Open. This is probably Marat Safin's last year playing professional tennis, even though he said just last year that he'll be playing a lot more years of tennis. That lying sucker. On the other hand, Roger Federer still dreams of equalling Pete Sampras' record of 14 Grand Slam titles. I would love to see Roger tie that record, but not over Marat baby Safin's hot body. So, Roger, try winning the French Open aka Roland Garros to tie Pete's record. Aussie Open is not for you, according to me. Oh well, it's okay whoever wins. As long as not Djokovic. Nyaha. I don't ever want to comment about Delic and Novak's upcoming match as well, because hmm. Serbs, Croats, and Bosnians are like football fans which is like a no-no in tennis. Playing tennis is like being inside the library. Try to keep your mouth shut at most times if you can handle it. The only sound you'd hear is probably a player's grunt, curse, or whatnot's. If you can't deal with the silence, go watch Ellen.

Also, Marat's big little sister, Dinara Safina, is in her winning form. Well, we could add Daniela Hantuchova, the 2 female Serbs, (Anna Chakvetadze ate dirt and is going home since she lost to Jelena Dokic) and the Williams are all set for the next round. My tummy hurts. I'd just type again tomorrow.

MORAL: Go Williams! Since Sharapova is not participating, the Aussie Open is a li'l quiet. I have to look for someone else to "smash" like.... Radek Stepanek. Oh yeah.

Today Leaves A Page in History Books

How, what, why? (Note that I'm narrating in Manila time telecast.)

First is because today is US President-Elect Barack Obama's inauguration. He becomes the 44th President of the United States of America. However, another reason is that Ellen finally caught George Clooney! From Kate Hudson, to Dolly Parton, Victoria's Secret Angels, and Chip and Dales, Ellen finally found the right formula to lure George Clooney out from his office, which is just like a stone's throw away from the studio. She got retro baseball stars who were the hotshots during George's days. Sans the details, having George guest in Ellen all of a sudden makes the show hmmm let's say a little less interesting because well, if you finally get what you want, what do you aim for? So, I think Ellen's having another (insert celebrity name here) Watch, like how she did George Watch. Haha.

Btw, I still think Nicole Vaidisova should ditch Radek Stepanek because they're like doing the combination from the movie Wimbledon wherein the girl (Kirsten Dunst) is the hotshot and the guy (Paul Bettany aka the albino in The Da Vinci Code) is the aging tennis pro. The story goes like they're together and the guy gets so inspired that he's winning again while their relationship is not that helpful for the girl as she loses her matches. Wow! Just like Nicole and Radek! He recently won a title over Fernando Verdasco (let's see if he's doing the same with Ana Ivanovic) and Nicole just lost in the first round in the Australian Open against Severine Bremond.

And you call this an entry.

MORAL: There are days that are so compelling they make me type an entry even though I am really busy doing a lot of things that I really need to do. So... What am I going to do? I don't know. Let me just type here a joke I got from my cousin. If it's really corny, smile. If you find it amusing, smile, too. Don't be a Nega-Star.

Juan accidentally hit a vase in the museum and broke it. The curator was very nervous.
Curator: Oh no! Sir, that vase is more than 500 years old!
Juan sighed with relief and said, "Thank heavens! I thought it was brand new!"

Smile. If you didn't get it, read again. If it's really annoying, forget it. I'll be continuing my work. Next post would probably be my "What Happened in 2008" even though it's halfway through January already.

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Rumor Has It : Not Marat Please

If it is so, this is the worst year for tennis ever.
(Second to Martina Hingis' retirement.)

There are rumors that the tennis god (of looks, racquets, and negative energy) named Marat Safin is playing his last year of competitive tennis this year, effing 2009.

If this rumor is true, then what is this?

BAD NEWS! Madness! A tragedy! For me, this is worse than earthquakes, flash floods, landslides, tsunamis, and global warming! Global warming will be greatly affected because it is going to be a lot cooler around the world. One hot man down, Cristiano Ronaldo and David Beckham to go.

I still can't accept that evil rumor. Why? Because it is possible that this could be his last year playing. Annoying shiz.

Do you see the black eye the hot tennis god sports? According to Joppet, the devil's advocate, Marat told in an interview, "There was a small problem. I wasn't in the right place at the right time, put it this way: I won the fight."

See? He starts this year playing in the Hopman Cup with his equally big sister, Dinara Safina, who has dyed her hair brunette. She's a blonde, so what the heck. New Year, new look. (Just so, Marat is around 6'4" while Dinara is around 6 feet.) The story is that the siblings were not really close to each other but only started to talk more about each other (communication is key) just last year (2008) which was like Dinara's best year ever.

So he can't retire! Tennis ratings would then receive an all-time low. And a lot of people will mourn. Thus, the oceans will rise. See Marat Safin's effect to the world?

MORAL: That better be a dang stupid rumor. Or else...

Thursday, January 01, 2009

'Tis The Season To Be Banging

When you slept at 6am after downing a lot of vodka mixes (vodka + cranberry juice, vodka + iced tea, vodka + red bull) and you woke up at 8:30am the same day, you know it's New Year. I set my alarm at 8:35am and waking up before my alarm is a miracle. It wasn't possible in 2008, so it's definitely not 2008 anymore. Off to a good start, I guess. Oh, Happy New Year. :)

How was Christmas? It wasn't as jovial as I wanted it to be but seeing my cousins and relatives is not just an annual thing, it's like an almost monthly extravaganza because we always see each other during birthday bashes and any occasion that needs people to verify it actually happened. I'm not complaining, I liked Christmas Oh Eight with all the Christmas money I got from aunts and uncles who would not be giving me Christmas money in 2 years time (because I'm probably working by then). Going home opening gifts from our extended family members is a bliss because I can attest that opening gifts, tearing up those red and green wrappers like how Incredible Hulk would do to trucks around him is a sure stress buster. The Holidays is not so stress-free as you think it is. Not when you have a big family.

I have somewhat done a lot of reading over the "break" (I didn't really have a lot of free time) but reading the word "resume" as resumé reminds of on-the-job training and DANG it totally creeps me out. Watching marathons of some reality shows, a lot of downloaded DVD rips, reading magazines and books, fixing my music library, and writing my never-ending "+" imagination, time is not in my hands.

I just read that being happy makes healthy people live 7.5 to 10 years longer. What does this say about being "emo"? That eventually, (sans accidents) the world will end with happy people because "emos" would be physically dead (but then they're now happy) by then?

I haven't checked/opened my e-mail ever since Christmas break started. Woohoo!!! I'm so proud of myself. I am sarcastic. Hmm, if you are ironic and tell others you are ironic, are you being ironic?

Yet the really something I want to ask to everyone who has been enjoying the Holiday Season, how much do you now weigh?

MORAL: Not wanting to open the Internet browser just because it reminds you of work is so bull. Not opening it just because there are a lot of tabs you saved is also bull. If you haven't opened your Internet browser because of those reasons, you're not a bull. For who knows what, I'm still typing in Notepad.