Thursday, November 26, 2009

Reflections at 2AM

This was drafted last October 12, 2009 at 2:30am. I read it again and found out that sheesh, finals bring about personal issues. They're not a good mix.

I'm not sure if I can consider this one of those emo posts again. Haha. If this is an emo post, this is the 2nd one. And this is not intended for this person to know because well, it isn't - it can't even be considered a letter. If you happen to get to read this, well, you can't confirm if it's about you anyway. However, if you think you are this person, we need to fix our lives ASAP.

I just want to say/type/post that it is such a pain to know (and feel) that you can see the boundary, the limit, in the friendship you are sharing with someone for a few years and counting. There are limits, or well, I just realized that there IS a limit in the friendship I have with you. When someone tells me we have a love-hate relationship, is there something wrong? Hah!

I guess I'm not patient enough to always understand, absorb, or just "let it go" when you things get really crappy. I have only said so much once. Only once. Why, after all these years, only once? 'Cause someone never learns. And if you have counted more than once (I believe you have tallied more than once in your board), you're doing it wrong. You admit it, you know that you're like that but knowing without doing is like Ondoy - it's no good.

I find it really annoying I'm having these kinds of realizations at 2 in the morning, right when I have truckloads of things to do. Seriously.

And then I find it amazing how you could think over a cartoon character. I'm talking about Spongebob Squarepants because the roots of Spongebob was shown in MTV and I got the chance to catch some info. Someone from Nickelodeon said that the beauty of Spongebob (or what's amazing in him) is that he doesn't (or cannot) see the negative emotions of other people. He doesn't (or cannot) see Patrick's stupidity, the crabbiness of Squidward, and how Mr. Krabs could be so mundane and exploitative. I wonder if Spongebob is just turning a blind eye in his friends' qualities or is he just that ignorant?

I laughed when a friend told me she's experiencing a "quarterlife crisis". You don't have to wait for midlife to experience it. You just need to get stressed out.

MORAL: Who's to say? And who are they, anyway?

I remember the results of my FIRO-B test. It haunts me every time. When I get disappointed with someone, I can footnote the FIRO-B results.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Mensahe Sa Mga DL na Atenista Last Sem

*Drafted last October 11, 2009. 11:22 pm. Grabe, bakit hindi ko napopost mga naisusulat ko. Puro nasa drafts. Che.

NegaStar mode na naman ako. Trip ko ulit magpost ng entry sa Tagalog/Taglish. Mas malakas ang tama kapag Tagalog eh. Feel it, beybeh!

Sa lahat ng mga magiging Dean's Lister ngayong "optional" semester, sana ay hindi maging ugat ng kasiyahan niyo ang dahilan na optional ang requirements at final exams sa subjects niyo.

Matagal na akong hindi fan ng "Win or Lose, It's the school we choose" slogan ng Ateneo. Feeling ko medyo "eh ano naman, basta Atenista ako" ang dating sa akin. Marami ang kokontra sa akin rito dahil it's all about loyalty to your Alma Mater. K... Kahit na may injustice sa loob, ok lang. Loyalty. Choosing to not see the faults. Ok lang, it's the school we choose. Sabihin mo na, mali interpretation ko. Pero yabang parin eh. Win or lose, it's the school we choose. Basta Atenista o galing sa Ateneo, okay na!

Singlaki ni Godzilla ang gulat ko nang sabihin ng VP ng Loyola Schools na optional na raw yung mga bagay-bagay na kasama sa syllabus! Lalo na ang final exams and final projects (suwerte ka kung pang one sem lang ang subject mo, yung tipong hindi na kayo magkikita ng teacher mo next sem).

Ako na siguro ang pinaka-kontrabidang tao ngayon. Naaalala mo ba ang Task Force Ondoy sa Ateneo? Sa Covered Courts?

Sabi sa Philo class ko na ramdam na ramdam ko naman, kasi dapat parehas na okay ang panloob at panlabas na kilos. Puro panlabas na kilos lang yung iba, aminin na natin. May ibang napilitan lang dahil "duty calls" or "kailangan eh". Puwede ring naghahanap ng dahilan para pumunta ng school kasi walang pasok, gusto maglakwatsa, o dahil bored lang. Cool kasi tumulong sa relief operations sa Ateneo, maraming cute, maraming ganito, ganiyan, nandun mga kaibigan. Sarap nga eh, ultramicrominiskirt, full make-up at puro self-portraits pa. Hindi naman bawal magpicture and mag make-up. Hindi rin naman masama pumunta doon kahit na iba ang intention mo, kasi at the end of the day, nakapagpack ka parin ng goods, nakapag-assembly line, o nakapagpili ng damit para sa mga nasalanta ng bagyo. Nakatulong ka parin.

So anong pag-uugatan ng kasiyahan kung kinonkontra ko yung dahilan na "optional"? Sakin, natutuwa ako sa Ateneo (kahit na hindi parin ako fan ng slogan), dahil alam nilang hindi ang akademikong bahagi ng buhay ng tao ang pinakamahalaga sa lahat. Hindi lang tungkol sa academics ang buhay. May buhay pa bukod sa final exams, sa final requirements, dahil hindi talaga final ang mga ito, hindi natatapos sa silid-aralan ang mga maaaring matutuhan sa buhay.

MORAL: Proud ako maging Atenista at hindi ko ikinahihiyang hindi ako nagtake ng final exam sa ibang subjects ko. End of story.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Nandoon Kaya Ako?!

Drafted last October 15, 2009, at 1:39am. Tears in my mind how I write too much in the wee hours.

It's starting to annoy me already because it has been happening a lot of times, that I vocally wish people I want to be with WERE with me, just to realize or remember that they were with me during that moment all along.

Example 1:
Me: Ang ganda ng (insert movie title here), pinanood namin nila (insert other people's name here). Sana napanood mo rin.
Friend: *looks at me weirdly* Ano ba, magkatabi kaya tayo sa sinehan?!

Example 2:
Me: Hmm, depende pa kasi sa mga groupmates ko eh.
Groupmate: Diba groupmates tayo?
Me: Oh... Yeah...
Groupmate: *shows a WTF?! face*

Example 3:
Me: Ay may kwento ako sayo. Sa (insert subject here) class ko dati, may isang girl na (insert a really funny or memorable event here). Grabe noh.
Classmate: Oo nga eh. Tapos sabi mo (insert what you said here).
Me: Yeah! Sinabi ko yun! Paano mo...*starts slowing down upon realization*
Classmate: Yups. Classmates tayo.
Me: Ah...*thinks of other words to salvage self*
Classmate: *nods incessantly* Seatmates tayo.

Example 4:
Me: Eh kasi wala ka nung party eh. Umuuwi ka kaagad.
Friend: WTF.
Me: Huh?
Friend: Nandoon kaya ako! Sa akin niyo pa nga grinab yung pictures niyo?!
Me: Oh crap, onga.
Friend: *gives another WTF look*

Example 5:
Friend: Onga eh, naalala ko yung hindi nadudumihan na pants ni Megan Fox.
Me: Napanood mo na yung Transformers 2?! Second day palang ngayon ah.
Friend: *gives me a straight face*
Me: Oh yeah. *remembers friend was there when we watched on the first day*

And I never learn.

Example 6:
Me: Naaalala mo yung nasa (insert details here)? Noong (insert more details here)? Ayan ah, di na kita nakalimutan.
Friend: Yeah.
Me: *wonders the cold response*
Friend: Kaso wala ako nun.
Me: Oh crap.

MORAL: I just hope people would think it's done intentionally, maybe like a joke, ice breaker, or something. Sad thing is that I really forgot. Noooo. Next time I'll super duper think or ransack my memory first before I share stories. Vocally wishing people into your stories is not good, well for me, at least. I have seen a lot of eyeball-rolling, WTF facial expressions, and all those poker faces Lady Gaga would be so proud.

Entrance Exams

Having read Mark's ACET Tips I realized I was a parent's total nightmare when I took my entrance exams. Honestly, UPCAT is the most difficult JUST BECAUSE it's the first college entrance exam you're going to take and you'll feel all the pressure of not knowing how an entrance exam would be like. After that, everything else is another experience to enjoy. I loved the essays they are really amazing.

Mark's tips (that are really helpful):
  • Sleep the night before the test. I cannot stress this enough as a well-rested mind and body has been proven to answer tests more correctly than the mind and body who took an all-nighter.
  • The baon that you bring during the exam should fit in your pocket. Trust me, you won't be able to eat that much. Snacks brought to the test are designed to keep you and your stomach relaxed in between breaks.
  • Do not bring Cola as refreshments. A single bottle of water will do. You don't want your stomach grumbling due to the carbon content of the Cola.
  • Bring high-quality Number 2 pencils. I don't have anything against generic brands, but you don't want your pencils screwing up during the exam. Better go with a brand you can trust.
  • Eat a full meal hours before the exam even if you don't feel eating. My parents treated me to KFC in front of Gate 3, and though I didn't want to eat, I must say that a full stomach adds to the confidence.
  • Bring/Wear/Borrow a watch. You will be taking the test under time pressure, and it will be helpful if you can monitor yourself. Time is more precious than gold when taking the ACET. Remember, do not dwell on one question for too long.
  • Since what will save you most of the time is your stock knowledge, it would be nice to pick up knowledge in whatever form you encounter it. From now on, read the newspaper, brush up on your reading, watch the news, etc.
  • Practice your English (seriously) and get serious with your Math. You will write an essay during the test so you also better start practicing your writing.
  • The Math will be hard, but with enough studying, you'll pull through I promise. I did!
  • Wear comfy (and decent) clothing during the ACET. Flashy clothes tend to be thicker, so better stick with the shirt and jeans. Mas presko, 'ika nga.
  • PRAY! Smiling will also help, even if the other people are wailing after finishing the exam. Positive energy attracts even more positive energy.
  • Take care of yourself days before the test. You don't want to be sick when taking the ACET.
  • Remember that it is just a test! It is completely normal to worry about it, but you shouldn't let it get the best of you.

What actually happened to me:
1. I slept 5 hours before my UPCAT.
2. I brought bottled water and a sandwich. My seatmate brought a portable thermos (I'm not kidding). Another just brought 5 Judge chewing gums. Another brought packs of cupcakes and snacks that could feed the entire row.
3. I only brought 2 Number-2 pencils and they are the "kids" type, meaning they are thicker and won't fit in your regular sharpener.
4. I didn't eat a full meal because I was hell scared that my large intestines were going to do backflips while I was shading those circles.
5. I was actually super sick during my DLSU exam that those around me thought I was crying (and I swear it's because of the colds). Haha. Also, during the DLSU exam, I wore the same thing with the girl next to me. My entrance exam uniform - black shirt, pearl earrings, and jeans. Boohoo.
6. I freaking didn't study anything because I don't know what to study. I was somewhat nervous before the UPCAT because a lot were reading notes and scanning through their reviewers. I told my brother I wasn't prepared because I didn't study anything.
7. While in line, I talked to those near me. Being friendly helps because it relieves tension, actually starts pumping up your brain and those I chatted with offered me (a lot of) food during the exam, offered me clean erasers (even though I have one), and even spare sharpeners (because they saw my huge pencils). I bring my own stuff but then being friendly has been beneficial to me for quite some time already.
8. I normally finish exams ahead of everyone else (IDK, I've been like that since grade school because I don't want to be the last in anything).
9. I never got the chance to personally know the results of my exam. The results of all my exams were 2nd hand information already. "I saw your name..." "You passed in ..." And my common response? "Oh."
10. I'm not bragging but I passed all my entrance exams (UP, Ateneo, DLSU, UST, UE). I prayed.
11. Essays in Ateneo could actually be a make-or-break thing for applicants. Not kidding.
12. Don't make entrance exams a big fuzz in your life. You'll just get stressed, tired, and depressed (with the results). It's not the measure of how intelligent you are or something because you know yourself better than all those entrance exams. You know you are smarter than your score and that these exams are not made of recycled paper so they ruin the environment.

MORAL: Check number 12.

Vain, Blamed, and Unappreciated

Another post typed during my Internet-free deprived days.

Apparently Not All Ateneans Are Intelligent

I would always have the pleaser inside of me. I am a pleaser, or well, I used to be one. I won't be able to sleep at night if at the back of my mind I think I somehow misaligned another person's solar system. However, being part of a group and leading the people here to infinity and beyond, there is no place for a pleaser. How many times have you heard of "you can't please everybody" and those "if you can't please yourself, you can't please anybody" words of wisdom? Through the years I was in denial that I am a pleaser, but in this line I chose, having not a pleasing personality but the pleaser-type of personality is deadly. It would be so stressful you'll just rip your hair off and donate it to cancer patients instead. You'll wash your face with coffee and go crazy thinking of nothing in particular.

Then I began to hope. Now that I can really say that I can't please everybody, I found the beauty of hope. Hoping that one day, when those kids get a year (or 2) older, their perspectives will change for the better - that they will realize that the Executive Board actually planned for things to happen, that we're not just waiting for the Global Financial Crisis to extinguish it's damaging flame, and we did not just release some prints as an opportunity for the whole body to criticize us. I'm hoping that they will see the bigger picture and not judge people by what they see at first (impressions).

Honestly, do they really think we're that dumb? Sorry but we're better than that and we're not vain, we're just that awesome normal.

MORAL: We won't always reach out. Meet us halfway, dearies. I do not want to lose hope to those next in line. I think they're taking in too much alcohol.

Glee - It Brings Joy

I didn't have Internet for what seemed to me like 3 years. It didn't help me at all especially now that everything revolves in the virtual community. I was typing all my shiz in Twitter and in Notepad (yes, this was the most used app in my computer). As I checked my saved Notes, I forgot to put one important thing: date.

So now, I have one file of all these "blog entries" I saved and I don't know the date when I barfed those words!

Here's the first in my list.


You know those tv series most people download every week or just copy from their friends' hard disk?

Those tv series they tirelessly gush and talk about night and day?

Yeah. The latest catastrophe is Glee. Everyone's all about it and chat up about how great it is over cafeteria food. They keep on asking each other if they have watched the latest episode and they all agree on how amazing it was. Topics of the conversation mostly include the choice of songs and who's cuter.

I used to be one of those who painfully wait every week to download the latest episode of the gazillion tv series I watch.

Then I had a change of heart and became one of those who wait at the end of the term then copy the episodes or buy a compiled dvd from the local movie pirates.

The series is amazing if you're into music. Even if you hated High School Musical or if you secretly love it, you'll go for Glee. So far, it can deliver your expectations, I just don't think this series will last because of all that production number and well the storyline's somewhat weak, but who knows? Who knows?

MORAL: Okay, Finn is as lame as (a retarded) Nick Lachey but I don't judge. You don't have to wait for the series every week for the story, you'll want it every week eagerly waiting to be surprised with the next mash-up or whatever song Rachel is going to murder. Let's go, Cheerios! Is high school really that lame?