Saturday, June 05, 2010

The Truth About Dieting and Exercising

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for whatever happens to you - whether you develop crab arms, have psychological illness, become obese/anorexic, excrete your bowels on the process, or develop any other unintended medical shizzles. This entry was written based from first-hand experience and from stories/tips from friends and relatives who are really cool people. To be honest, I just wrote this because I need to update my blog. Haha. 

"Hey, (insert name here)! I haven't seen you in a long time. You became... fat. Dude, what happened?!"

"The hell with diet! I'm gonna run or jog until my legs wish they were arms instead!"

"I feel so fat. Huhuhu. *chomps on 5 low-calorie Quaker Oats Cereal Bar*"

When people hear that you exercise or you participate in some physical activity, either they'll make fun of you or offer you more food. True story.

For me, I think the best exercise out there is swimming. Your whole body gets to work like a madman and most people don't swim because it'll make them darker. Yes, chlorine can make you dark, and Filipinos are gaga over having fairer skin. OK, I'll stop ranting.

If you...

1. Want to lose weight

The real thing is to have a light snack before you exercise. Exercise on a schedule you can keep. Don't do alternates, exercise today and eat like you're inhaling food the next day. If you want to lose weight, exercising until your muscles become like Jello won't actually work if you eat more because of it. Exercising a lot makes you think that you're burning a whole lot of calories and so you can reward yourself with that extra large fries and some regular soda. Boo.

The easy way to lose weight is to have food poison. My blockmate who was chubby (okay, he was fat)  then was food poisoned twice (from eating Japanese food) and afterwards, he lost a whole lot of weight. He had to have a wardrobe change because he just can't wear anything after. From cute, chubby boy, to matinĂ©e idol in an instant. He didn't have saggy skin like Fat Bastard (a character from Austin Powers) who claims, "my neck looks like a vagina." Though if he were obese, I think his skin would sag as well. Haha.

If you want to go to the extreme because you consider your digestive system like a Louis Vuitton bag which is Neverfull, and you have a lot of money to spare, there's a thing called bariatric surgery. It's when they put a lap band on the top portion of your stomach so there would be less space for all those pasta and mashed potato you ate at your cousin's birthday party. You'd be full and it's even adjustable. How convenient! So you have to choose where to spend your money on - a Neverfull bag or a bariatric surgery?

2. Want to have nice arms (if you're a dude)

If you want your arms to be as large as John Cena's with all those veins popping out screaming, "look at me I can go out of this bigorexic's arms!", lift heavy weights until you develop hemorrhoids.

However, if you just want nice toned arms like Randy Orton's (why do I reference to wrestlers?), don't lift really heavy weights. Focus on repetition, not on the weight. Lift the weight that's just enough to challenge yourself and intend on doing repetitions.

3. Want to have nice arms (if you're not a dude)

Lift dumbbells. It doesn't mean that just because you're a girl you don't have to lift weights. Lifting weights makes your muscles attach to your bones more. Or something like that. You're not going to be a powerlifter anyway so don't attempt lifting your 5-gallon water refill.

Also, do triceps lift. It's when you put the dumbbells behind your head and lift it. You know those saggy and flabby arms? Triceps. Check. If you don't have dumbbells at home, water bottles are okay. NOT THE EMPTY ONES.

4. Want to have awesome abs

They say you can't target muscles in your abdominal area. I think they're just lying. Doing varied crunches and those leg lifts actually work. Yes, you have to lessen intake of some carbs for your flat stomach, but crunches and beating your obliques really help.

5. Indulge in heavy snacking

This is what I experience. When you lay out marshmallows, chocolates, or any other snack in front of me, I get so annoyed seeing all those food. How annoyed? Really annoyed that I eat all of them just to get them out of my sight. This is probably the worst thing to do but I do it anyway. Snack on apples instead, I read that they curb your appetite. And yes, drinking water first helps as well.

"When can I freaking eat?!" - It's advised that your breakfast or lunch would be the heaviest meal. As you progress further in the day, lessen your intake of carbs and junk food. Carbonated drinks with zero calories may not add to your weight, but they are roadblocks from a flat tummy. According to my brother, the best time to eat is after you have exercised. Maximum of 30 minutes AFTER working-out. Just don't starve yourself. Please.

MORAL: Fun runs and triathlons/duathlons are the "in" thing right now. If you can't keep up with your exercise regimen, look for a partner or a friend whose goal is the same as yours - whatever that is - and keep motivating each other. Exercise doesn't have to be repetitive or boring or whatever. You can indulge in a sport or do activities that interest you. Guess what, you just ran out of excuses from postponing to quit drinking Pepsi.

I guess I have to practice what I preach. Huhuhu. It's not about being skinny or ripped or whatever, I just want to be healthy and be able to donate my organs. @__@

1 comment:

ironman said...

fatty :|