Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Office Drama Tuesday

This post is bipolar.

Start the day as I would normally do.

Come night time, I checked on something work-related and saw anomalous content. I just ignited like wildfire. Let's just say I had my first loose fingers moment and I thank Sweet Baby Jesus for making emails. You don't hear/read the tone so the recipient won't necessarily get it when you're mad, jovial, constipated, whatever.

I mentioned this to a friend who's still studying and ranting about her love life. And to avoid disclosing information, I used programming concepts to explain it and I don't know why I used programming concepts wherein I could've just used animals or fruits or sports.
Haha isipin mo nalang gumawa siya ng isang object sa code mo. Although hindi mo pa iccall, gumawa parin siya ng object sa program na cinocode mo!!!
Is just completely weird. My friend told me, my explanation didn't help because a.) object-oriented programming concept, and b.) see reason a.

Venting out is really helpful and I drank coffee to relieve myself of frustration. Of course, typing it in your Facebook and Twitter account would help. Since we've been so specialized now, no one thing would appear the same to everyone. Our own modern Tower of Babel. Here's the simple text:
Dear You,
Please mind your own Test Lab. Thanks. Ka-highblood ka eh.
Possibilities: My colleague was able to respond within the context. Three other friends lost the point. To give credit to my friends, they are either concerned regarding my health and others were in the medical-health department. Kudos. And to set the record straight. Dear Kara, no, I'm not pregnant. Sorry.


MORAL: Try breathing slowly and count from 1-10 before taking any drastic actions to/against someone who has done something that made you exclaim "WTF!!!" inside your head for 300x. If it still doesn't help, repeat counting. Then type to a blank document (not in the ready-to-send-email editor) and then edit. Before copy-pasting it to the editor. Press Send. God bless you.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

New Underwater Recruit

I've been wondering for so long why Nicole Vaidisova chose to hang out with Radek Stepanek aka the Fish Boy.


I edited this post at least 3 times (Ctrl+A then Delete) because I don't want to sound snooty nor appear as a physiognomist. So okay, maybe it's love. Or maybe Nicole wants to commit suicide and she chose this way to get back to the world, by marrying a fish. Bestiality - check Leviticus, it said something about bestiality.

Nicole Vaidisova's probably racist. She got with Radek because he's Czech. Yep. It's the only thing plausible.

Tennis Planet gave more reasons on why Nicole Vaidisova married Radek Step-a-neck:

-Lets get the most obvious one out of the way first: Added inches.
-Rebound. With the tremendous jilt she received from her tennis career – smack in the middle of her prime – the vulnerability to fall prey shot up exponentially resulting in grabbing the first thing in motion – and growing.
-Love. That ‘eye-beholder’ BS. But shouldn’t it work both ways?
-Stepanek’s promise of millions through his projected potential as a porn star?
-Residual impact from the early divorce of her parents / absence of father figure.
-Promise of one day turning into a mermaid with Stepanek 90 percent already there deep in the fish kingdom?
I'm preparing for the end of the world. It's neeeaaaar! One of the signs just happened!


MORAL: It's pretty simple and obvious. Nothing is impossible. You could drug someone into thinking s/he needs you.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

The Dangers of Quoting from the Bible

My friend tagged me in this post because he claims I love sarcasm. I don't. I don't even consider myself sarcastic (I can hear a protest boiling up). Anywho, Leviticus must be a tough book to read! I'll go check it out after. Haven't read Old Testament books for so long 'cause I prefer the New Testament. This was entitled "The Dangers of Quoting from the Bible."


In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, penned by a US resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
Your adoring fan,

James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus, Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education University of Virginia
(It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own a Canadian :)

Tangible Music

Thank you, Lace, for being such a good friend.
(Kate Voegele's "A Fine Mess", She & Him's "Volume Two", and The Submarines' "Honeysuckle Weeks" all in a brown paper bag for a happy child.)

If you have noticed the column on the right side of this blog, the material things I want are mostly CDs. The next thing you will say is, "WTF. You can download them for free!" I will tell you that it's illegal to download those because they're not for free and next is that, yes, I have downloaded a lot of music off the Internet. Pirates of the new world. Yet I'm one of those "stupid" people (according to "practical" people) who still buy CDs. When I like the artist so much (or if after downloading his/her album and setting my foot that I like the music), I run to the nearest music store and purchase a copy. Then we know the next thing after that, I'm broke and must control myself from buying milk teas and donuts. Hahaha.

We want what we don't have and when there's a challenge, we become oh-so-determined to overcome the challenge. Defeat the dare. Accomplishment. This is when I find out that the albums of artists I admire are not available in the country. Of course, after sifting through most of the music stores in the Metro, Amazon is just there ready to hug you back. Then there's the problem. I'm not ready to Johnny Air my things and I'm still not comfortable over the whole credit card number deal. So, I ask around on who's going abroad or coming home. Then the ordering and requesting begins. With my latest procurement, my blockmate Lace (the girl who was thought to be pregnant in the airport teeheehee) went to the US for some seminar and vacation. So while we were still in Bohol I asked her when she got the time, to just check out the music stores.

I sent her a list. Haha I'm such a douche. So out of those she checked, these three were the ones available. I'm still waiting for my aunt next month for more CDs (just to complete She & Him and The Submarines). So, why still buy CDs? First is that it's the only way I can support them into making more music (aside from attending concerts), second is that it's tangible (it's like a back-up of the music I have in my hard disk), and third is that I should probably reflect more on why I buy CDs then just post a short entry about it. [Weirdo alert.]


MORAL: When you can and if you want, you can forget all about that, "nasimulan ko na eh!" mindset. That's why I don't want to start buying CDs of really established artists (those who have one million albums in the past) because at some point I will have the urge to challenge myself into completing them. Gotta catch 'em all. I also accept mixtapes. Thanks.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

I Adopted Doom

Drafted last June 17, 2010.

Note: Ever since July started, I have been working on my assigned project and it's a weird-crazy awesome one. Eyelike. I have someone in our team who, when next week comes still doesn't have a project assigned, can beat my idle time (one month).

From the beginning, I thought I was not cut-out for the corporate world. Sacrificing my body in hopes of changing the world, but in the end prepping up capitalism instead, the heavens were not happy. So what happened? Let's just say in all the requirements, something ill-fated always transpires.

In medical exams, my arms bruise easily, not to mention the nurse or the labtech really had a difficult time extracting my oh-so-precious blood. She almost crapped her pants, proven by trying both arms, and moving the hypodermic needle under my skin. All the while asking me, "Masakit po ba, Ma'am?" She's lucky I love pain and I'm not squeamish with these things. And oh, it takes me a minimum of an hour to have that urinalysis. Sheez, my iron urinary bladder really is awesome.

My first ATM card was digested whole when I tried to change its pin. All smiles.
My employee profile is pretty messed up. Just pretty. So, no biggie.
My employee status is still pending, so I can't do anything at all. No online trainings, online mandatory exams, time tracking device, anything related to the company website. Nada. Null. Ding. Dong.
Just when I'm starting to like where I'm staying, my former dream company called. They want my soul back. Okay.
If I get paid, I just got paid for dressing up and going to the office with a smile. And drinking Milo. Hey, I'm not complaining. Haha.

In case you missed it, the sarcasm sign was turned on after I was born. And it hasn't been turned off ever since.


MORAL: Awesome friends and new-found friends compensate the misfortunes you receive once in a while. In my case, often. Whoever coined the "swerte Intsik" should rot in Feng Shui hell, if there's such a thing.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Posting Pretty People's Pictures

For the 3rd installment of posting pretty people's pictures (PPPP?) here for no reason at all, or just for the simple idea that they are ... pretty? Check the photo below.


This is the daughter of Aphrodite and hmmm... No, I guess Aphrodite had a binary fission and produced Gemma Atkinson. The woman with a lot of airtime in Red Alert 3. Thanks to my annoying friend, ManyaKes, for fantasizing about Gemma Atkinson for the longest time already. (Geez that pig.)

In Marian Rivera's wise words or word or mouth instead: Bee-yoo-tee-fool!


MORAL: When you're feeling down and when you think the heavens have conspired to make your day terrible, look at these people. God sent them to make you smile. Or salivate.

Thursday, July 08, 2010

These 3 Words Can Hurt You

While waiting for my body to shut down, my sister was attentively glued to the tv and I can't help but take a peek of what she's watching. Music's most bizarre moments or something like that on MTV, with comedians and writers commenting about the incident. From Kanye's infamous "Yo, Yo, Taylor" moment to Fergie being a "Whiz Kid" (she wasn't able to control her bladder while performing).

I wasn't able to finish the 100 moments because I was supposed to be dreaming already. Then I heard about Bjork.

They were saying, "You know Bjork as the Icelandic pixie sweetheart [...]"



At first it was really scary, Bjork suddenly going Bjork-serk berserk on you. Then the comments after the clip were so funny.

One comedian said, "Who knew 'Welcome to Bangkok' means 'Go f*ck your mother' in Icelandic?"
Another one said, "You could see it from Bjork's face. She has the look that says 'Don't even tell me "Welcome to Bangkok"' printed all over."

If you still don't get it, call me. I'll demo it for you.


MORAL: Being hit by an artist is still painful no matter how great s/he is. Even if you can't spell artist without art. Also, even if it's the popular person's fault, if you hit back, all of the fans will hit you back again. So, just wear your "Bjork Did This" bruise or black-eye with pride.

Wednesday, July 07, 2010

Everyday Anime Topics


After being bothered by the promo of the upcoming UAAP Season, my friend and I are brainstorming on the next big thing for anime series from sports to everyday life.

There are series for basketball, tennis, football, baseball, boxing, yoyo, racing, but I haven't heard of a series for chess? A castling move deserves one whole episode, people?! What's wrong with the world today?!

"CHEEECK-MAAAAYT!"

Since we're evolving creatures, our conversation also progressed about everyday things that have become anime series as well. There's one for cooking, baking, playing themed cards, and fishing. There are a whole lot of anime just use your imagination. There are those for music and performance - singing, dancing, playing instruments, and the likes. The storyline is not the problem anymore, the challenge lies on the concept!

If that's the case, we can have one for programming, one whole episode for compiling the codes, with the end of the series: "No error!" "Yikeeeee!!!!" ~ FIN~

Anime series for bullfighting and cock-fighting. Animal cruelty. Tsk. Then for accounting:

"BALAAAAAAAAAAAAANS! YOOOOOOOOOOOSH!!!"

*end credits*

How about for the popular social networking games? Bejewelled the Animated Series! Farmville!
There could also be an animated series for Spelling Contests.

"For the next word, spell Dog."
"Dee-Owh" (one whole episode with the contestant having flashbacks of his/her childhood) "Doboryu-Jee. Dowg."

*End*

Or to keep up with the new shows, we could also have Fashanime. Fashion + anime. After all, most of the characters do not change their clothes, right? They wear the same thing over and over again as if life dictated that what they wore in the first episode should be their uniform until the last episode. This is not 24 (tv series) for Christ's sake.


MORAL: With creativity and art, the sky's the limit. Really, Lady Gaga said limits do not exist. I know Mathematicians and smart-asses would beg to disagree but Lady Gaga is one of the most influential people today. So stick with what she says.

Tuesday, July 06, 2010

Mini-Why-Vera-Zvonareva-Is-Awesome

Still another tennis-related entry, I have suggested a mini-Why-Vera-Zvonareva-is-Awesome. This is probably it. Short and freaking sweet. Well, the gist why Vera is awesome aside from her eyes and blue iPod Shuffle, is that she's very prone to have outbursts, tantrums, and violent smashing and hitting of racquets. She's an ACTION SPORTS STAR! She joins the likes of Serena Williams, Dinara Safina, John McEnroe, Andy Roddick (wittiest man ever), and tennis' sexiest man, Marat Safin. Violence King: Marat Safin, no brainer. Violence Empress/Queen/Deity: Vera Zvonareva.

I have presented before that Vera has already mastered the art of smashing/whacking/destroying/bombing/biting a tennis racquet. I guess when she was a kid she broke a racquet way before she lost a tooth.

It's heartbreaking when she lost twice in one day. Twice a runner-up. Twice an almost-Champion. Twice a loser. There's really something wrong with the world. She lost to Serena Williams in the Wimbledon Singles Finals, and lost to Vania King and Yaroslava Shvedova (another favorite Russian-turned-Kazakh) pairing with Elena Vesnina (aka Miss Russian Congeniality aka the best friend of all Russian female tennis players, I'm not kidding, they're all claiming Elena Vesnina is their best friend).

Yahoo! Sports writer Chris Chase got it super duper right. He was also expecting the outburst and totally missed it during the Singles Finals. (I was glued and hoping she would hit the umpire but she didn't.)

Vera Zvonareva (left) and Elena Bestfriend ng Bayan Vesnina (duh, right)

Vera Zvonareva's expected meltdown never came during the ladies' singles final at Wimbledon. The emotional Russian has been known to break down before -- her collapse at last year's U.S. Open was epic -- and many thought she'd have a similar outburst on Saturday during her 6-3, 6-2 loss to Serena Williams. They were wrong. It came a few hours later.
The 25-year old Russian played in the doubles finals a few hours after accepting the runner-up trophy on Centre Court. She and partner Elena Vesnina held a set point in the first set tiebreak, but couldn't close it out and dropped the opening frame to Vania King and Yaroslava Shvedova. It was all too much for Zvonareva to bear.
In between sets, she broke down in tears and had to be consoled by Vesnina. After the pair lost the second set 6-2, Zvonareva sobbed again, a loser twice over on Saturday.

In case you're wondering what happened at the US Open, here's his account of the spectacle.

Guess who? Ahihihi.

After blowing six match points in the second set of a fourth round match against Flavia Pennetta, No. 7 seed Vera Zvonareva did the following things:
-- Cried on the court during the second set tiebreak.
-- Hysterically cried in the locker room in between the second and third sets.
-- Ripped off a portion of the medical tape that was wrapped around her thighs.
-- Complained to the chair umpire that the remaining tape left around her thighs prevented her from playing.
-- Screamed an obscenity at the chair umpire when she wouldn't give her a medical timeout to fix said medical tape.
-- Loudly yelled a compound word/profanity after hitting an unforced error.
-- Continued to rip the tape off her leg.
-- Smashed her racquet into a post.
-- Spent the final changeover sitting in her chair with a white towel draped over her head.
-- Lost the third set 6-0.


Don't tell me you're still not in love with Vera Zvonareva.

Fake MORAL: Crying is good. It cleanses your eyes.


Trulaloo MORAL: Vera Zvonareva might be the last girl in the class list, but she is as awesome as she can be! All hail Queen Vera!

Monday, July 05, 2010

Grass Kids

Obviously, I was supposed to blog about tennis last night, when we already have Champions for the different divisions. However, our Internet decided to elope again with the wind. The technicians are here every week. Poor service.

Rafa looks waaay better when he's dirty. Or just wearing pants, or okay, even a shirt.

Rafael Nadal coursed through Tomas Berdych in straight sets 6-3 7-5 6-4. It's Rafa's second Wimbledon title. I was not able to watch the match (wow it rhymes!) because I was at a birthday celebration. High school friends are greater than Rafael Nadal because I'm sure Rafa would win it in a heartbeat anyway. Look at those biceps. Kulang nalang peanut butter. Pandesal arms.



I was able to watch the Ladies' Singles Finals though. 1st seed Serena Williams killed 21st seed Vera Zvonareva (favorite violent girl). Random thing, Vera has really awesome eyes. I guess when you're European and have dirty blonde hair, you probably have cold, bluish eyes. Just saying. Serena had the record of 80 aces (against Vera's 23) prior to the Finals. One big mean serving machine.

I was kind of hoping that Vera would make Serena sweat, having Jelena Jankovic and Kim Freaking Clijsters killed on the way to the Finals. 6-3 6-2 is quite a beating you know, and I tell you Serena blasted Vera all throughout the match. I have kept a semi blow-by-blow commentary on the match stored in my phone but I know no one wants to read about it. Haha. So what to do but post pictures taken from websites like Yahoo! and ONTD, and create a mini-Why-Vera-Zvonareva-Is-Awesome.



MORAL: We all have our own preferences. Minding each other makes life interesting, yes, but when you tell someone else why yours is better or why his/hers sucks balls, well, that would make life even more interesting and evil. Yeah, I just typed evil. Women's tennis has long been scrutinized especially when they started having the same prize money with men's tennis. Venus Williams said that gender equality means that women might seem to be playing/sweating/working less (max of 3 sets) compared to men (max of 5 sets for Grand Slams) but considering the physique of women (men may be more capable of playing longer) and respecting what each other can do cannot be summed up in money - having equal prize money means that women perform their 100% and men perform their 100%, so they both get the same cold cash. You don't freaking measure it side by side, that's not equality, freako. (Venus Williams didn't say that exactly but I hope you get the picture.)


Why I like women's tennis? Outbursts are very common and they can also produce quality tennis. It's the whole new thing for Sports Entertainment. Drama and all the grunting hitting is pretty much entertaining, you know. Not just brute speed whacking of balls.

Saturday, July 03, 2010

Wimbledon Finals: Battle of the Divas

In a little while, Vera Zvonareva (left) and Serena Williams (duh, right) will go into a sledgehammer-hitting, shotgun-sounding finals match in the hallowed ground of Wimbledon. I claim it the Battle of the Divas.

Vera Zvonareva has been featured in my blog before, with video clips and a photo of her doing her thing: smashing, exploding, throwing fits, and (insert anything violent here) in a tennis match. I swear she's a relative of the Safins.

Serena Williams, of course, is the Mother Diva. She was born a diva. I bet when Oracene gave birth to her, she told her momma, "You better name me Serena or I'll pull this umbilical cord crazy!" She can shove down a ball into your throat (yes, she has threatened to do that), she wears denim skirts in tennis matches when she feels like it, and can don Edward-Cullen-like sparkling nails.

(Her name is Serena Jameka. Venus is Venus Ebony Starr. Ang taray!)

~~~~
The only reason I haven't been spamming anything at all is that Internet decided to play hide-and-never-show-up-forever with me.

When it's Wimbledon time.
When I can watch live telecast of the games in Star Sports.
When I can stay up not-so-late but somewhat-late.
When I still don't have a lot in my plate.
When the weather's cool enough for my body to feel awesome.
When I am in the zone to type and publish something about anything.

That's when our service provider decided to go kaput and stayed there. Oh, I forgot to post something about John Isner and Nicolas Mahut's never-ending fairytale. Next time. Well, maybe tomorrow, when I will blog again about the winner.


MORAL: People kill for Wimbledon. Even divas do.