Tuesday, March 06, 2012

Quitter

When I blog a lot despite my stressful and busy schedule it means one thing: I'm ready to give up. It's when I want to release my grip on the rope whose other end is just tied on a hanging branch. It's not okay to fall but when the fire ants are attacking your hand, you just can't bite your lip and hold back your tears. (For the record: I haven't cried in the office yet. If that's any consolation to myself, I have just joined the workforce last June 2010. Still got many chances of crying.)

I don't want to think I'm being OA (over-acting) over this. It's not a one-time thing. It's a huge blow in my face. I was given a box, every one else was confident I can handle it, not knowing it's a box full of dynamites. I got stressed to the limit last Friday about the future bombs of the world, and today just a while ago, I got my own serving of molotov cocktails in my hands and face. This will be etched in my mind. It's easy to say accepting a loss makes you stronger, makes you smarter...

But there's pride. Ang sakit eh!

If you're competitive (on the inside but it shows with your work) and take pride in yourself, ouch much. Even saying that you can't take anything more is huge blow, too. It's like accepting you can't do everything. Sorry, kiddo, you're not superwoman. Image shattered. Confidence level on an all-time low.

And people like that, have the tendency to let go. To just let go. Not console one's self and say, "tomorrow is another day to fight some more." Or just hug and say while rocking, "I am special. I am special." Cut that crap, I'm not like that.

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