Monday, May 21, 2012

Control Issues

I have long been in denial that I have control issues. I'm not one of those who can/will jump without really knowing what's underneath. Well, I've been fooling myself that I am a free-spirit and is adventurous beyond myself. Obviously I have been wrong.

A few moments I can remember that suggest that I'm not as free as a spirit I think I am include our trips - both domestic and international ones. If someone's given the task to do the itinerary, I'll let go. However, when no one seems to be handling it, I'll research and do the computations just so we have a solid idea of what to expect on our trip. I can't be at peace knowing that all of my companions are fine with spending some time rummaging for a map at some point of the trip and dubbing it as an adventure of a lifetime. Or okay, I can go with that part but I will have with me a secret answer key to the city, ready to be pulled out if we're really getting lost.

Another is driving. Ahhh, I said I would be going all around the Metro and even out of town when I start driving. This is not exactly true as I still ride the cab and utilize the public transportation. Well aside from the cost of gasoline and carpark fees, it's mostly due to I don't want to get lost. I immensely dislike the feeling of not knowing what's on the other side, what's at the end of the road. I need clues and previous research. Someone who at least has an idea that it's a one-way street. Otherwise, I'll be hailing a cab.

Wearing my wristwatch all the time (save when I'm at home) is also another form of control. Time is really my companion in good times and in bad times. I have been notorious to the last minutes (even seconds!) just because my digital watch allows me to. "Hey, I can even spare a few minutes before the meeting, time to prepare coffee!"

So what am I going to do now? I would be leaving my watch behind during weekends (time in my phone should be sufficient) and I would be willing to drive elsewhere even if I haven't been there (of course I'll die if I don't search Google Maps prior). Baby steps, baby steps. Well, yesterday I drove to and from MOA and then went to BHS on my own, although I can't still have in mind the feeling that I have no clue to which roads I'm going to tackle, a little Google Maps search will keep me from being stressed out.

No comments: