nawalan na ng gana ang tadhana
nanlalamig yung dating nagbabaga

ang sabi mo walang hanggan
ba't nandito tayo sa dulo

pangako mo walang hanggan
bakit nandyan ka sa dulo?

pwede bang kalimutan mong may dulo
handa ako sa walang hanggan
pangako mong walang hanggan
akala ko walang hanggan

pero nandito tayo sa dulo

kung ika'y mawawala sa aking piling
dinggin mo ang aking bilin
lingon ka lang paminsan minsan
dito lang ako di ako lilisan

sa ating dulo

di ako lilisan

Ang daming nakapila sa Drafts pero ito uunahin ko:

Kung tingin mo unfair para sa iyo at tingin niya unfair para sa kanya, at walang gustong magbigay, baka mas fair sa inyong dalawa na huwag na lang. Huwag niyo na lang ituloy.

Kung puso ko ay imamapa. Ikaw ang dulo, gitna't simula.

Nahanap din kita.

At maligaw man at mawala. Umikot man sa kawalan. Sa bawat kailan, sino't saan.

Ikaw lamang ang kasagutan.

I don't usually read ThoughtCatalog posts, but this one was beautiful and painful.

All I know is chasing someone who doesn’t want me anymore; craving for his attention, controlling every detail so that it will be as I wanted it to be and forcing him to love me as I love him. I only cared about my happiness and not his. I didn’t care about what he wanted, what he feels. I didn’t care about the fact that maybe he wanted to be free, to live life without me, or maybe he wanted to love someone else other than me. I didn’t care about any of those things. I only cared about how I felt, how much I want him, how much I needed him, and how much I can’t live without him.

And that’s not love. That’s desperation at it’s finest. Selfishness in all forms.

When you spend too much time on Facebook, you can attest that there are throngs of articles/posts about x things you can find in a (insert a positive adjective here) partner, or date a person who (insert your favorite verb here), or don't date people with these qualities, etc. A lot of tips, advice, and suggestions. Someone who's recently hurt or in love (hurt and love in one sentence, wow) would say that when you  find someone and fall in love, most (if not all) of the time, everything else gets thrown out of the window - yes, including all of the advice you've read or all of the telltale signs you've memorized. 

That makes it interesting. That makes love (or falling in love) both scary and exciting. 

(And I should probably stop posting things at 3:30am.)

Ngayong Oktubre

Ngayong Oktubre, mangilan-ngilan na ang mga naririnig at nababasa kong kuwento ng pag-iibigang nauuwi sa wala. Ilang taon ng pagsasama at mga ala-alang walang makapapantay, ang ipiniling isantabi na lamang. May naghahangad pa ng kadugtong, may ibang naghihintay pa sa tawag ng bukas. 

Nobyembre na ba? Magtitirik na ba tayo ng kandila para sa mga pusong ang kasalanan lang ay nagmahal nang sobra?

Hindi ko nais sumali. Hindi ko pinangarap makasama rito. Subalit kung sa pagpahinga ay may kapiling na pagluha, mas nanaisin ko ito kaysa mawala nalang ang lahat. 

Pangako. 

Babalik ako. Babalik tayo. 

When you're really down and the other person is happy, do you hide what you feel and ride along the highs of the other?

Or would the other contain one's excitement to uplift the other's misery?

Uy. Sometimes being the bigger person gets tiring. Kudos to those who believe they can always be that person. 

Paano mo malalaman ang borderline ng pagiging pushover at ng "being the bigger person" sa isang relasyon?

Wimbledon. It's the reason I will post something. Serena wins her 21st Grand Slam and did a "Serena Slam" as well. 

Truth is, I can't wait to have a laptop and work on posting anything and everything again. 

One of the most cruel things you can ever do to someone is to fall in love and be in love together, and then fall out of love alone. You can't just show someone how amazing it is to love and be loved then take it back when you don't want it anymore. Saying, "you were able to live without love before anyway," puts the nail to the coffin. 

You can put it as letting a vegetarian taste bacon for the first time and after liking it, saying, "Well, you can't have it anymore. You were able to make it all along without bacon anyway." 150% Bitch/Dick move. 

"For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning. Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun, so shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth. Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself. He threshes you to make you naked. He sifts you to free you from your husks. He grinds you to whiteness. He kneads you until you are pliant; and then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God’s sacred feast.

 

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life’s heart.

 

But if in your fear you would seek only love’s peace and love’s pleasure, then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love’s threshing-floor, into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears."

The last paragraph melted me. Hit me right to the core because I have experienced laughing all of my laughter and weeping all of my tears. I have seen and felt the edge of happiness and sadness, when the world stops and your eyes betray you, when the world stops and the two of you are the only ones alive in this surreal magical moment. We have fought with weapons sharper than swords, with words louder than thunders that break through lovers. Yet, after all, I still long the other's arms.

But in the midst of picking up one's broken pieces, I'll still look for you.

Endlessly. 

If you want a future with someone you deeply care about, embrace his/her past even if it's as dark as f*ck and crazy as sh*t. Easier said than done though, but no one can do it better than you. 

They say experience is the best teacher but they didn't add that the student chooses what to learn from the experience. 

What did you get from the experience? Did you focus on the pain? How about just being better next time? Did it make your understanding broader? Unearthed realizations from it? Like, sometimes, it really just happens. Things happen. And sometimes, prince charmings are far from perfect. 

When you think there are snakes everywhere, maybe you just spent a lot of time with snakes around you. Shutting off people from generalizing breaks hearts. Maybe this is it. Don't let go. 

They say when you find the love of your life, never let this person go.

Tell me what is to happen, when this person decides to let you go.

"You were never meant to be," is bull. Keep that away from an aching heart. 

A topic on the radio earlier was "what bad event happened to you that you don't want others to experience?"

First caller mentioned his experience of being robbed and held hostage at a tattoo parlor while having his phoenix tattoo. 

Another called mentioned having a bipolar sister. 

And the caller who trumped them all?

In her shaky voice, this distraught caller said, "Fall in love with someone stupid."

I think that beats all callers.

Promises spoken from a lover's mouth are true only at the time the words came out. Don't hold on to them. 

Feeling of wanting to be so mad but you can't because you don't have that authority. You don't have the right because you were not part of the picture yet. 

Sometimes, it's not the how that makes it memorable. It's finally getting the answer you've always known. :)

Yes, I'm still reading the book "Eating Animals" by Jonathan Safran Foer. I have read his other works as well and this topic really just hits the spot. I get to read a few pages each time I wait for the company shuttle or when I'm somewhere else waiting for my sister to leave the office. And just earlier while sitting out the traffic light on my way home, a whole paragraph from page 93 posted a good avenue for thinking or reflecting - whichever suits you more.

Why is taste, the crudest of our senses, exempted from the ethical rules that govern our other senses. If you stop and think about it, it's crazy. Why doesn't a horny person have as strong a claim to raping animal as a hungry one does to killing and eating it? It's easy to dismiss that question but hard to respond to it. [...] Try to imagine any end other than taste for which it would be justifiable to do what we do to farmed animals.

Well, people still eat. Maybe we're stuck at that level of appreciation - taste.

How to break up with someone? And everything you've been with for more than 3 years?
There's no easy way to break someone's heart.
But sometimes it's easier when they broke yours first.