I don't usually read ThoughtCatalog posts, but this one was beautiful and painful.

All I know is chasing someone who doesn’t want me anymore; craving for his attention, controlling every detail so that it will be as I wanted it to be and forcing him to love me as I love him. I only cared about my happiness and not his. I didn’t care about what he wanted, what he feels. I didn’t care about the fact that maybe he wanted to be free, to live life without me, or maybe he wanted to love someone else other than me. I didn’t care about any of those things. I only cared about how I felt, how much I want him, how much I needed him, and how much I can’t live without him.

And that’s not love. That’s desperation at it’s finest. Selfishness in all forms.

When Echosmith Sang

(For my personal reference, concert was last Aug 13, 2015. I know. Don't judge me.)

It has been a looooong time since I have watched a performance I bought a ticket to, like concert tickets. Not only have I been recounting where my money went, but it's more like I haven't seen an artist lately that made me jump off from the couch and purchase a ticket right then and there.

Then my supposed-to-be-secret-band who went mainstream for some reason was coming to the country, I didn't go. They were part of a music fest and I don't want to be part of it. Then a few months later, they announced that they'll be back in Manila for a solo show. You know that cliche - when you love someone, set him/her free and when they come back... You have to see them live. So, I don't care if they're mainstream now and even if I had to ship my CD all the way from the US (thanks to Amazon and my aunts and uncles who always let my things ride with them) and purchase another one in Dubai (for my friend), I know I'm going to see them live!

And... Echosmith was there. Live. They are tall kids. What I didn't expect though is that their music's main market are KIDS. Kids entering puberty stage. Kids who were accompanied by their older siblings or being waited for by their parents outside the concert hall. Kids who are shorter than me - and this comment coming from me means they are short! I can see the line ahead of me. I didn't even bother to move and adjust my head. Nopes. But we don't care now. Everything's fair in love, war, music, and math.

By the way, since I have a bad habit of revisiting past memories, this is my official declaration: I regret not getting tickets when Tegan and Sara and The xx went to Manila.

Now I feel bad. :(

When you spend too much time on Facebook, you can attest that there are throngs of articles/posts about x things you can find in a (insert a positive adjective here) partner, or date a person who (insert your favorite verb here), or don't date people with these qualities, etc. A lot of tips, advice, and suggestions. Someone who's recently hurt or in love (hurt and love in one sentence, wow) would say that when you  find someone and fall in love, most (if not all) of the time, everything else gets thrown out of the window - yes, including all of the advice you've read or all of the telltale signs you've memorized. 

That makes it interesting. That makes love (or falling in love) both scary and exciting. 

(And I should probably stop posting things at 3:30am.)

Old Coffee Talk

So I have decided to postpone completing my tasks that pay the bills and unearth all of  my posts that remained in the Draft status.

First post I chose to unearth? Coffee.

So what do we have here? It's a collection of the 2015 photos that I found lying somewhere under the forgotten lands in my phone.

Back to the coffee cup. Seen in this photo is our effort to make slow-drip coffee thanks to our empty margarita mix from Kirkland. Haha. We tied the plastic bottle and tried to hang it on the handle of the drawer on top. Well. When curiosity strikes and we've got nothing but time on our hands, you'll get this makeshift drip. Don't forget the pressure inside the bottle as it is dripped vertically. Or just don't do this at all. 

I have done a couple of batches of cold brew coffee (12-hour ones) at home and the best way to do it is teach people at home how to do it, too. Haha. I prepare it, leave a note, and my lovable yaya does the rest. I just call her up and she filters it. When I get home from the office, I have one mason jar of pure goodness. *smug face* Here's one small bottle of it, ready to bring anywhere I want. :)

And then we have this. Not sure if I posted it in my Taiwan entry (IF I HAVE ONE), but this sexy baby was purchased in Taipei. We were just walking towards a night market and poof. Something caught our peripheral vision we just had to turn our heads. A freaking coffee shop full of beautiful things. What a pretty sight, this syphon filter is!!! Also pictured below is my friend's manual grinder from Gloria Jean's. What a good day for coffee! Light them up!

When there's an espresso machine, it's always iced latte by the patio while waiting for the sun to kiss the plants. One's served with sugar and the other is just natural goodness. 

More coffee photos with some presence of wine, but not together. I have a regular single-serve pour-over filter but I remember that the old coffee makers (from my mom) made use of paper filters instead of the built in washable/reusable nylon ones they have now. So when I found it again, AHA! There you go. Easier to hand brew for a number of caffeine-regulars!

Coffee. It never gets old. Only we do. Huhu.

2016

Oh sheeeeeeeet! It's 2016! Time do pass by real quick now whether you like what you're doing or not.

Here's some balikbayan box level of fireworks for you and the beauty and madness that will be part of the whole 2016.

This baby can make you cry possibly 2 times. First is when it hits you and second when you see
the way how it lights up the sky so beautifully.

It's a wonderful feeling for a lot of people when they finish their planners, their calendars, and trying to write down all of their resolutions. I'm not all into the new year new life thing but the effect the new year brings to people? The opportunity it gives for people to reflect on their lives (or the "past" year)? It's amazing.

Happy New Year!

Have a Don Perignon and some tofu sisig in the process!

Always remember that "the days are long, but the years are short". Always remember that.

Ngayong Oktubre

Ngayong Oktubre, mangilan-ngilan na ang mga naririnig at nababasa kong kuwento ng pag-iibigang nauuwi sa wala. Ilang taon ng pagsasama at mga ala-alang walang makapapantay, ang ipiniling isantabi na lamang. May naghahangad pa ng kadugtong, may ibang naghihintay pa sa tawag ng bukas. 

Nobyembre na ba? Magtitirik na ba tayo ng kandila para sa mga pusong ang kasalanan lang ay nagmahal nang sobra?

Hindi ko nais sumali. Hindi ko pinangarap makasama rito. Subalit kung sa pagpahinga ay may kapiling na pagluha, mas nanaisin ko ito kaysa mawala nalang ang lahat. 

Pangako. 

Babalik ako. Babalik tayo. 

When you're really down and the other person is happy, do you hide what you feel and ride along the highs of the other?

Or would the other contain one's excitement to uplift the other's misery?

Uy. Sometimes being the bigger person gets tiring. Kudos to those who believe they can always be that person. 

Paano mo malalaman ang borderline ng pagiging pushover at ng "being the bigger person" sa isang relasyon?

Reading Anything This August?

*I have started this entry in English and since I noticed it's the National Language Month (Buwan ng Wika, man!), I feel guilty for continuing this in English instead of retyping everything in Filipino. :( Masahol pa ako sa malansang isda, alam ko. Huhubells.*

Books. They say nothing beats hard copies - printed copies of books that have mystified you, or authors you simply adore. Recently, I have scored Bob Ong's "Si" and yes, you can shame me for not supporting our local authors. I have a history with books, I just got into the whole reading thing late in grade school / early in high school mainly due to the then-influx of Filipino authors who wrote entertaining books full of essays and those that look like a compilation of interrelated thought bubbles. I still have pending Jessica Zafra books to be ordered and Miriam Defensor-Santiago's books which I initially bought as a gift for my friend. I know. I initially intended this post to be my published dirty laundry list of books I haven't flipped through. What an ugly avenue to do so.

Starbucks sample cards are the best, prettiest, and cheapest bookmarks you'll have.
Just accompany your friend, no need to talk like a social climber, and just grab these babies
while she orders her overpriced drink.

How about e-books? I have a Kindle Paperwhite. I have my phone which is still serving as my smaller book reader for times I want to sneak in a few chapters in the office without looking like I'm not working. How about something more tangible? I still have hard copies of books I either bought or borrowed from my friends. I'm lucky I have friends who read books and are generous enough to lend and forget about it.

How do you manage reading through a book despite the internet, the television, and EDM music all over the radio? For me, I usually read 2 books side by side, although okay there are instances I read three books at the same time. The usual scene is that I read the book with most illustrations or fewer pages first a non-fiction alongside one or two fictions. At the moment I am reading "The Art of Thinking Clearly" by Rolf Dobelli while reading Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett's "Good Omens" in my phone and "By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept" by Paulo Coehlo in my Kindle. I know, it's not the most advisable way to finish off books but it works for me! Just do the rotation if you feel like your poorly self-diagnosed ADHD kicks and in no time, you'll realize the three books are done and you're looking for the next best thing!

Don't lose the art of reading. I don't mind if you prefer printed ones or just your phone/reader, as long as you read, there is hope for the future. Also, please stop spending all your time watching those viral video you see on social media. If you can't quit it, minimize it at the very least. Grab a book. Start the first chapter today. :)