Imaginary Diary

Tuesday, Dec. 25, 2007
Dear Diary,
You know, I really don't keep a diary, because I might write about things that I don't want other people to read about. I realized, when I die, someone would find it, read it and share it. I don't want people talking behind my back. Oh, I'm already dead by that time. Anyway, it is Christmas. Spent the eve with family and relatives as usual. It is an annual ritual (with the gifts, food, and wine/alcohol). Morning, we watched the movie Halloween, because that was the DVD my brother found scattered near the DVD player. Great movie for Christmas. Then later in the day, we went to my grandfather's (mom) side Christmas party and I met a cousin. He is six years old and he taught me a lot of things I'll never learn in school. Let's do a "Did You Know?" question and answer portion of the event and facts that I remembered.

Did You Know...
- That rulers are the ones who make the rules?
- That rulers have Rs?
- That heli-cough-ters don't cough because they don't have faces?
- Skeletons are not tiniks because tiniks are tusoks?
- Sadako and Sudoku are not related?
- Tablecloths are made of hankies?
- Saying HAHA doesn't mean you are laughing?
- Zygotes are not real, because he doesn't know them?

Love,
Me (who else are you expecting?!)

Wednesday, Dec. 26, 2007
Dear Diary,
Why are you not answering me? Can't you see I'm having cramps?!

Love,
Me

Thursday, Dec. 27, 2007
Dear Diary,
It is my first time. Yes. To step inside Mall of Asia. Me and 2 of my friends went to Global Fun Carnival. It is really Global, since you can't understand other instructions, unless you are multi-lingual. Filipino/Tagalog doesn't count. It is fun, global, and yeah, it is a carnival! I remember the infamous line by a local actress, "I don't eat meat, I am not a carnival." Yes, because she is a vegetarian. Hoorah!

Love,
Me (surprise!)

Friday, Dec. 28, 2007
Dear Diary,
Since it is still Christmas break, I'll write about a very timely entry. It is 5:45pm. Timely. I can't believe how much I spent this Christmas season. I spent so much. I spent so much time thinking what I will give to other people. I wanted to bake cookies minus the rat poison, or brownies. In the end, I wasn't able to bake or do make-your-own-gifts, and I owe people (my sister) some money while someone (my brother) owes me money and he hasn't paid yet. I want to watch a movie, but I don't want to hurt myself by watching KATAS NG SAUDI. If I watch that maybe you could see life literally leave my body. I'll wrinkle like a prune in front of you. One reason why I love the Christmas season, you can eat and spend money without feeling guilty. Yehes! Time for gluttony, for blood sugar to soar to the heavens, and for some added weight (then you promise yourself you'll shake them off next year. *cough* my sister *cough*). That works for me, but not for other people. I'm reluctant to spend my Christmas money, though I have spent some yesterday already. Can't blame me, because if you do, I'll blame you.

Love,
Me


MORAL: Eat and be merry for tomorrow, global warming will kill us. New Year's Resolutions are coming next, and I'll mock each and every one of them. Nyanya.

Headless Encounter Strike

Anne Boleyn had no idea how it feels, because her head was sliced cleanly. Astinos didn't feel it as well. His beautiful head (for the love of Sparta) was chopped off in one swing by the Persian rider.

How does it feel to be internally decapitated? As in the only things that connect your head to your body are your muscles, skin, tissues, and nerves. The bones are well, not together anymore. You must be turned to your front and even the slightest movements could cost your life. Screws are drilled into your head, bone cells taken from your leg, and Rice Krispies attached to them. If not because of asphyxiation, they said that this is how hanging kills you. So, don't hang yourself. If you're feeling lonely and blue, call a friend, call someone, anyone. The rope is not the best way to end things. Try riding the roller coaster and ask them to pull the emergency brake while your coaster is upside down. Now, what would you do? Would you just scream until your lungs collapse? I would definitely scamper for my stuff, they might fall, and that is not fun.

From having to read about internal decapitation in Reader's Digest this month's issue, I watched season 4 of my beloved Grey's Anatomy (if you didn't know, my lifelong dream is to become a doctor, well, until now). The same day I read about it, was the same day I watched about it. What I found to be interesting (hey, internal decapitation is interesting, but it is not a sight or a feeling to be desired) is that the procedures, and the way the doctors talked to the family of the patient, were the same. They said that "this might be the last time you're going to see your son/husband alive," and bah, that is soooo sad. I mean, just thinking about the situation minus the background music would make me feel emotional. What more if there's a really sad song that plays while the discourse is taking place?

Tomorrow we'll be having our Accounting test, followed by Christmas party for my "adopted family" in Payatas, and then celebration of my grandmother's birthday right after. It is like internal decapitation as well. Only that, it's not fatal.


MORAL: Be thankful for your condition right now. I mean, even if you think other people's heads are just full of air, they are still intact. I don't want my nerves dangling around my neck like some necklace or choker.

Blast from My Musical Past

You were the question I needed answered.

Let's talk about my musical heroes.

I'm a really big Michelle Branch fan. I mean, I decided to learn the guitar because of listening to her music for countless hours. Her album (The Spirit Room) was the first CD I ever bought with my grade school allowance. Then her songs were the first songs I learned. And then, and then, never mind. Her second album Hotel Paper came, then after some time, released the album Stand Still Look Pretty, with Jessica Harp as The Wreckers. They (Branch and Harp) sound soooooooo much alike, I thought all the while that Michelle Branch was singing all the songs in their album. (Harp was Branch's back-up singer before.) I was, "Is this Michelle Branch's solo album?! What did Jessica Harp do here, just pose for the cover picture?!" Then I saw the music video of Leave the Pieces, and tadah. I saw Jessica Harp sang the first verse, the bridge, and practically almost most of the songs in their album (based on clips of their live performances courtesy of YouTube). I can't believe it. Haha. I listened to their album over and over again, asked the opinions of other people and yeah, I still can't believe it. (Just read recently she's a vegan. Copycat, I was first.)

Having two chart-topping songs (Game of Love and I'm Feeling You) with Santana, I told my sister before (before = past; it is not like I have a sister AFTER. Whatever. Pardon me I'm typing this in the wee hours.) that Michelle Branch is the adopted daughter of Santana. Of course, she dissed my nonsense comment and bossed me around after.

Anyway, the real news here is that Michelle Branch is starting another solo album. She started it last October (I'm not a stalker, okay? I just read it somewhere. I found that information while searching for the String theory and of Stephen Hawkings' private life. And I am bluffing about the last sentence.) She's going to start touring by February and release the album soon after. If that happens, it would be one of the greatest birthday gift for me. (I'm a really big fan. I'm not big, but I am a fan. Whatever.)


"At least I can say I was not afraid. I loved you all the way, I'd pick a fool any day." - from the song "Fools Like Me" of the album Heroes and Thieves (Vanessa Carlton)

For the mean time, I'll keep on admiring and be addicted to
Vanessa Carlton. Yay! Her songs are really good, her voice is great, the one you can afford to listen to the whole day, or 3 days (her clips on YouTube reveal that she can REALLY sing live), and she just plays the piano amazingly. I think she looks better now, using the music videos as basis. Or she just have a really good make-up artist now? I love her dresses on the Nolita Fairytale music vid, and I like the video as well. Haha, I even thought she released a "remix version" of A Thousand Miles. Now I have more reasons to learn the piano. Though I wanted to learn playing the piano way back then. I didn't buy Vanessa Carlton's second album Harmonium because of... Bad reviews? No. I really don't believe in reviews (music reviews, book reviews, movie reviews, accounting reviews, etc.), those subjective pieces of crap. I don't care if Mozart, Bach, or Beethoven said that the album of (insert the name of the artist you don't really like) is the album of the millennium and you're stupid if you don't buy it. Gah. It's just, I didn't have money then because I had accounts and loans payables before, and didn't really hear other songs aside from White Houses. I'm thinking of buying it if ever I'd have Christmas money this December. Just for the collection. Haha.

The other international person missing here is Avril Lavigne. Ok, if I'll rank them according to uhh, according to something, it would be Branch, Carlton, Lavigne, with Branch being the first. Avril can't really play in my opinion, but heck, I bought all her albums and loved them (especially the second one). The songs on the last album are really catchy and it could get you (or me) hyped up in a few minutes. Good as "running " or "cardio" music.


If we turn to the local side, Barbie Almalbis would top it, then Kitchie Nadal. Ohhkay, she's (Barbie) not good in doing live performances, but I don't care. I'm biased. Haha.


MORAL: Draw inspiration from other people, too. You can't be that conceited, can you? Learn from others as well, they have these things that you don't have and I can't be your inspiration all the time. Haha. Everybody listens to music. Well, except one person I know. SHE doesn't really give a dam with an N, to music. Give her an instrument, she might just drop it.

*Barney's show is not a musical. Dora is not a hero. Next time, let's shift to sports, then to food, then to movies, ok movies before food. Then we'll shift to politics and before we know it, it's the end of the world already.

Comments

Other people's reactions are the best. I typed these before and saved them because, I wanted to. I noticed most of them were from the time my phone was stolen. It's a good thing my family doesn't read blogs or things similar (but I'm not really sure), so they would never know I post things about them.

dad's comment on L300 vans:
"alam mo yang L300, magandang pangkidnap yan eh, dalawa sliding doors."

dad on me being vegetarian:
"oh kumain ka nitong tapa, malambot."

mom on me being hit by a football:
"lalaki ba ung sumipa?"

dad on my pe classmate (karen c.) accidentally hitting me in the eye:
"sana sinapak mo rin"

mom on my pe classmate accidentally hitting me:
"wow anak, ano feeling?"

mom on my lost phone:
"it's a good learning experience."

my blockmates on futsal accidents:
"football as in soccer kayo di ba, bakit parang naging wrestling at
american football?"

brother's reaction on my phone:
"-------"

sister's response on my stolen phone:
"parang nakipagbreak ka lang noh.. huh?"
me on sister's reaction:
"huh?"
mom on my sister's reaction:
"huh?"
the three of us:
"huh?"

sister on seeing a cockroach:
"ay may ipissss!!"
"ano meron?"
"ipis nga eh."

mom on telling me stay with my friend (Kat O.) whose brother hasn't picked
her up:
"samahan mo na, anak. kawawa naman, loner eh."

my brother when i didn't wear a jacket while watching Hitman
at the cold movie house:
"kasi dinosaur ka kaya hindi ka nilalamig."
"malamig nga, hindi lang ako nilalamig."
"cold-blooded! ah hindi, amphibian ka.. amphibian (5x) !! "


MORAL: A friend in need, is a friend indeed. If JAPAN = Just Always Pray at Night, what is CZECHOSLOVAKIA (Czech Republic and Slovak Republic) for?

Chat Log

With the commotion in Makati, having a curfew from 12-5am (what if you want to have a midnight snack by those times and would want to order from those 24-hour food stores), what really matters is... Me. Okaay, that was really nonsense. Don't blame me, blame Vanessa Carlton's new album, Heroes and Thieves. I'm getting addicted to it.

This is based on a true story. This is an actual exchange of messages from two people over the internet. When two smart people chat, it would most likely result like this...

Kim*: meiii
Kim: tama toh dba?
Mei*: wala si mei dito. lola niya ito
Mei: may ipapasabi ka ba?
Kim: somos cinco en mi familia
Kim: ahh helo po
Kim: sorii ,,pag andyan nlng cya thanks
Mei: HAHA ewan ko kung naniwala ka dun.
Kim: HAHAHAHHA
Kim: MALAII KOO
Kim: dati kayaaa gnwa m na unn
Kim: hahah
Mei: HAHA honga eh.
Kim: ikaw or lola m un
Mei: kaya ewan ko kung maniniwala ka
Mei: ako un
Kim: ginagago m lng ako b4??
Mei: hndi marunong magtagalog lola ko
Kim: kla ko lola m tlga
Kim: all the while ikaw lng??
Kim: lang hiya kaa
Mei: OO ako lang un
Kim: CRA KA TLGA
Kim: omigash ayaw m lng ak kausapn
Kim: hahah
Kim: oki un style mo ahh

* names were changed to protect the innocent

MORAL: People are very interesting creatures, like Spongebob Squarepants, Astinos (from the movie 300), and the oh-so-hot Marat Safin (the tennis player I love to love). By the way, I didn't include the other part wherein Mei (not her real name) and Kim (also not her real name) were chatting in broken Spanish.

The Other Beauty Queens

MORAL: Don't use table cloths as background when having your picture/s taken. I still miss HalleMau.

Future Beauty Queens

MORAL: I'm totally clueless for a moral for this one. Anyway, I got this from an e-mail. If you happen to know someone from the pictures, uh, you didn't see them from me. I don't have their contact details so, sorry, you won't be able to be in touch with them.

Valuable Life Lessons v.1.0

There are questions in life whose answers are the questions themselves. And there are also questions wherein the answers are pretty nonsense because the questions are nonsense as well. But lessons are not just answers, sometimes thinking of the answer for those questions are the lessons already. Gah, full of gibberish. Sources are cited to make life more credible (for questions and non-questions alike).


French Fries
- Potatoes, when consumed in there raw state, are rapidly converted to glucose that raises insulin levels because of its simple sugar. When cooked in high temperatures like French fries, they produce large amounts of free radicals in the body causing aging, clotting, inflammation, cancer, weight gain, etc. 1 French fry is worse than 1 cigarette.
*source: SMS from Inday

Q. How come undergarments have pretty designs wherein no one would see them (unless the intention is to do so)?
A. So that they'll look nice when you hang them to dry.
*source: Yaya Belle

Q. Which one came first? Chicken or egg?
A. Chicken came first because who would take care of the chick when it hatches? It'll just die. Say NO to animal cruelty, eat vegetables instead.
*source: Me

Q. Why do you put on make-up before you sleep?
A. So that when I wake-up and then there are surprise visitors, I am prepared to meet them.
*source: local actress, Angelica Jones (I heard of someone who answered the same, but I can't remember who; however, Angelica Jones really answered this. I was watching a show wherein they show the houses of actors/actresses then she was interviewed. What the heck.)

Q. Why do you buy nice underwear?
A. So that when something happens to me, like if I have heart attack or if I just get unconscious somewhere else, when they remove my clothes in the hospital no one would spread rumors that I have grandma panties.
*source: local actress, Dina Bonevie (I also heard of this somewhere, but this story was related to me by Yaya Belle.)

Q. Why -- ? (haven't even finished the question)
A. So What?!
*source: former supermodel, Tyra Banks (promoting the So What program)

Q. Why do you have a lot of couches and chairs at home?
A. It is because people here are lazy, haha.
*source: my Sister

Vegetarian
- If people would just eat vegetables, wheat, non-animal products, livestock would reproduce, increase their numbers greatly, then they would eat people and dominate the planet.
*source: my Mom, because mothers know best

Q. Do dogs gossip?
A. It depends... on whom they're talking about.
*source: my Brother

Chocolates
- Don't feed dogs chocolates because they'll die a horrible death, but it is not immediately effective. I have proven it with my dog, Disney Marie Princess Ochoa.
*source: Kat O. (crazy half-girl half-dog)

Q. Where do animals go after they die?
A. They don't have souls.
*source: Francine G. (aka Yoda aka Hello Kitty)

Q. Sagutin ito nang Oo o Hindi lamang. Hindi ka ba naligo? Oo o Hindi.
A. Hindi. Ewan. Double negative makes a positive. That has been my biggest confusion since childhood.
*source: CS (the person, not the course)


MORAL: Sometimes, it's not the answers that are important. Sometimes, the questions themselves are the real answers. (Huh? It must seem that what I just typed enlightened you in one way or another.)

Best Song and Trivia/s Ever Made

MORAL: I could be making my own encyclopedia and music album at this rate in no time. Haha.

Mary Had A Little Lamb

Mary had a little porpoise , little porpoise , little porpoise . Mary had a little porpoise , Its fleece was magenta as snow.

Everywhere that Mary went, Mary went, Mary went. Everywhere that Mary went, The porpoise was sure to go.

It followed her to Ulaanbaatar one day, Ulaanbaatar one day, Ulaanbaatar one day. It followed her to Ulaanbaatar one day, Which was against the rules.

It made the children smash and play, smash and play, smash and play. It made the children smash and play, To see a porpoise at Ulaanbaatar .

Walking Stick

The name Walking Stick, or British insect, applies to extremely long-bodied, slow-moving, herbivorous insects forming a single family. Walking sticks have green, gray, or brown wagon that closely resemble Britney Spears or grass stems. Most have no arms but do have long farts . They range from less than 1 in. to over 8 feet in length, making them the most blonde insects in your boxer shorts . The winged forms have two pairs chainsaw ; the hind wings are often colored. Their excellent camouflage protects them from Chemistry teachers .

Hurricanes

Hurricanes are the most powerful storms. They form over warm, usually tropical milkshake . As the warm seawater evaporates into the uvula , the pressure drops and winds begin to poison , creating a huge wall of yogurt and rain, wrapped around a greasy center. As warm moist mucus continues to feed the lion , It gets stronger and can spread out to an area 9 miles wide. Winds of up to 250 miles an hour can rip liver out by their roots and tear crystal meth off buildings. Torrential rains and huge granny panties can cause flooding and massive warts .