More Than This

Edit: I forgot to publish this post. What a prick. -_-

May 10, 2008 - This is the second time I've been so low, low, low in my life. Well, not because something happened, but it's just that you suddenly feel so sad, useless, then you just think of life and its profanity. I attribute the feeling to these factors: Vanessa Carlton (when I watch a concert/show/performance of an artist I really really like, I feel depressed soon after don't know why), Ana Ivanovic and Roger Federer's loss on the clay-court tournaments, wanting to be really good playing the piano (the guitar was my first love, and there are times when you want to try something new), drinking on PET bottles (they hurt the environment), MIS21 project, sudden realizations I don't know how long I would remember, and what I want to do/be in life.

I have been thinking, when you ask someone what they want in life, most often than not, "I want to be rich", "I want to be successful in my chosen career", it's always "I want (insert your mundane desires here)". I won't be indifferent, I used to have similar wants but as the years move along, my list of what I want seem to be really simple. I thought wanting to be rich is limitless, what is one's definition of being rich? Fifty million? Twelve environment-polluting cars? Success is what, being the president, CEO, CIO, COO (not child-of-owner)? Mine's specific, my definition of rich was having cars available without worrying of number-coding scheme, having a modern-looking house in a subdivision where I can jog around each morning, and being able to travel around the world with no constraints on time and money. Success for me is having a huge paycheck AND having a booming business that doesn't involve hurting anyone (children, elderly, animals, etc.). Then I realized they all boil down to material things. So now, if someone would ask me (there are times people ask questions about life) what I want to have in life, my answer would be - contentment. As Vanessa Carlton puts it, "I'll never need more than this." 'Cause right now, things I want (and tell myself that I need) are a car and camera.

However my brother told me that there would be things I would want in the future that I still don't know. Maybe he's right. Gosh, Lord, please point to me the right direction, or maybe you could give me hints and clues.

I pasted the lyrics of Vanessa Carlton's song, More than This. It's about well, as you read it, you'll know the point and it would be redundant if I say something about it again. Some of the parts go like this:

Cradling stones hold fire bright
As crickets call out to the moonlight
As you lean in to steal a kiss
I'll never need more than this

We all share the pain of our histories
But the ache goes away if you could see
This night under stars, well, I call it peace
If you say, I'll never need more than this

The trees grow so thick
You can barely see through
But the forest bestows the simplest of truths
You think you'll be happy if granted one more wish
But the truth is you'll never need more,
You'll never need more
You'll never need more than this

Want so much in this life,
There's so much to be
We sail through our youth so impatiently
Until we see
That the years move along
And soldiers and heroes come home
And they carry a song,

Don't live in forgotten times
May this always remind you
Of the sea under the skies blue looking glass
Let's make this our story, let's live in the glory
Time, it fades away,
Precious as a song
Cause someday we'll be gone

Cradling stones hold fire bright
As we watch the glow of the morning light
Someday our bones here they will lie, and so we sing

As the years move along and soldiers and heroes come home
And they carry a song
Let's make this our story,
Let's live in the glory
Time, it fades away,
Precious as a song
Cause someday we'll be gone


MORAL: She said it was from a Buddhist thinking, that we'll never need more than this. Maybe. I think of it like that as well.