New Age Proverbs

Proverbs according to Dennis Miller by Johnny Carson
1. A rolling stone. . .if not acted upon by any force will keep rolling in a straight line at the same speed.
2. Every cloud has. . .water vapor that has the potential of producing ice crystals or raindrops, depending on the Bergeron or coalescence process.
3. The grass is always greener. . .if it receives an adequate supply of C55H70MgN4O6.
4. A penny saved. . .if doubled every day for two months would be worth more than the combined GNP of the industrialized nations of the world.
5. A bird in the hand. . .is dead or alive, depending on one’s will.
6. What goes up. . .will stay up if it has an escape velocity of 11.3 kilometers per second.
7. When the cat’s away. . .the mice will play cautiously if it’s Schrodinger’s cat.
8. People who live in glass houses. . .are surrounded by a strange hybrid of solid liquids or liquid solids.
9. Nothing is certain but death and. . .Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle.
10. There’s a time and place. . .but not before the Big Bang.

MORAL: Proverbs impose things that you should be but are not. Patience is a virtue.. but I don't know what virtue was until I opened the dictionary.