Semi-Final Beer Drinkers

Today is semi-final Thursday. It is the semi-final of my life and of those in the Australian Open. This week is like the super duper ultra mega deluxe edition of hell week. Things to do include paper (in Theology), brochures, deliverable (MIS122), status report, speech, midterm (OS), and marketing. I want to add more things but I don't take-in caffeine anymore so I'm fine with these things for now.

On a side note, I have tips for you to keep yourself awake in the most crucial moments of your life. However, I am not liable when anything undesirable happens to you. I'll just share 5 tips.

Tip#1: Slap yourself silly when you think you'll doze off in a while. Make sure to slap both cheeks (you decide which cheek you're thinking of).

Tip#2: Sit straight or just stand. Never lie down. Or say, "I'll just rest my eyes." We all know you're lying and just trying to fool yourself. If you said that already, slap yourself. Shame on you.

Tip#3: Watch a horror movie if you have time. A really scary one. This can backfire, though. If you get so scared, you'd rather sleep than be awake and have the possibility of seeing a girl crawl out from your television set.

Tip#4: Wash your face. Then dry your face by doing jumping jacks. It doesn't hurt to use a towel, too.

Tip#5: Try drinking hot decaffeinated coffee or caffeine-free tea. Its psychological effect could help. BUT if you really want to be up and running for some time, try drinking boiling coffee or tea.

In Melbourne, Serena won her semi-final match over Elena Dementieva. 3 Russians in the semi-finals, wow. That's not fresh news, okay. Russians have been everywhere in the tennis world. They're like mushrooms in the tennis circuit. I like most of them except a few but it doesn't really matter because global warming is more important than Russian tennis. Then there's the all-Russian affair of Dinara Safina and Vera "the Last Girl" Zvonareva. (Last Girl is equal to when you're in the class list, and it's arranged alphabetically, Zvonareva isn't exactly the name to appear at the top/start of the list.) Aside from both are Russians, both of them are diva juniors. (Because Serena Williams is the Mother Diva) Vera and Dinara can berate officials, break racquets, cuss like sailors (where did this come line come from?), and all tennis diva acts possible.

So I'm working downstairs and our TV is locked at the Aussie Open live telecast. People here noticed Dinara Safina's abdominal area. Obviously, she doesn't have the flattest stomach in the world and I don't care. However, people here care. My brother said Dinara looks like her brother in some ways, and she looks like a.... baby. Someone asked, "Is she pregnant? Looks like 3 months to me." Another would say, "She drinks a lot of beer." And the final blow said, "When you're with girls like that, you should hide." Of course I asked why, then the reply was, "Girls like that eat a lot, ask you to treat them. Extra rice, and 'Are you going to finish your rice? Can I have it?' and all." Ooooohkay.

But it doesn't matter. Tennis matters. And she won. She'll face Serena Williams in the Finals. That's good. She said that her brother's birthday was 2 days ago and reaching the Finals means she now has money to buy him a present. Haha.

More good news, Daniela Hantuchova and Ai Sugiyama are off to the Women's Doubles Finals after disposing Natalie Dechy (France) and Mara Santangelo (Italy). Guess who'll be their opponents? The Williams sisters (or brothers, as my evil blockmate usually says)! The Williams sisters downed Cassey Dellacqua of Australia and Francesca Schiavone of Italy. I am a Serena/Venus Williams and Daniela Hantuchova fan. So, 2 is to 1, I want the Williams sisters to own Australian Open. For the singles, it's a tough choice because I want Dinara to win; however, this is Serena's year as she seems to be following a trend. She won the Aussie Open Women's Singles 2003, 2005 and 2007, 2009 is next and guess what, it's 2009!


MORAL: You may have the biggest stomach around, or any other thing most people would consider an eye sore, but sometimes it doesn't matter. It'll only matter the moment you consider it does.

The Day The Tennis World Stood Still

Ana Ivanovic is going home after being wiped out by a Maria Sharapova sound-alike (not look-alike) Russian player Alisa Kleybanova. And this is the day after Venus Williams was outmuscled by Carla Suarez Navarro from Spain yesterday. By who? Good question. 2 hours and 44 minutes of 50 unforced errors from Ana Ivanovic, and she's out of the tournament. I think this is because of the Wimbledon-movie like curse I have presented in Vaidisova's case. Turns out Ana is suffering from the same curse. Fernando Verdasco/Verdascurse is playing well while Ana just got the next week free from playing tennis. Aside from Verdascurse, it's not a surprise that when Maria Sharapova is not participating in the same competition, Ana gets blasted off the tournament. Append the idea that Kleybanova sounds/shrieks like Sharapova, is a smashing thought.

Now, the next paragraph is about.. life. Tennis and life without Marat Safin. (He lost in straight sets to Roger Federer and Marat's fine with it, because he said at least he lost to Roger, whom he considers the best tennis player.) He said he's going to retire, but you know, I'm sure almost 85-95% of the female tennis fans around the world is still hoping that he would change his mind, become a liar again, and not retire. If he truly does retire, there'll be like a year-long series of posting about him. Or not.


MORAL: That's the beauty in sports, you can never be too sure. Actually, it's also the sad part about it. Dang.

The Search for Mr. Australian Open

On Friday, the battle of former world no. 1's will take place as Marat Safin and Roger Federer will outhit each other for the 3rd Round of the Australian Open. This is probably Marat Safin's last year playing professional tennis, even though he said just last year that he'll be playing a lot more years of tennis. That lying sucker. On the other hand, Roger Federer still dreams of equalling Pete Sampras' record of 14 Grand Slam titles. I would love to see Roger tie that record, but not over Marat baby Safin's hot body. So, Roger, try winning the French Open aka Roland Garros to tie Pete's record. Aussie Open is not for you, according to me. Oh well, it's okay whoever wins. As long as not Djokovic. Nyaha. I don't ever want to comment about Delic and Novak's upcoming match as well, because hmm. Serbs, Croats, and Bosnians are like football fans which is like a no-no in tennis. Playing tennis is like being inside the library. Try to keep your mouth shut at most times if you can handle it. The only sound you'd hear is probably a player's grunt, curse, or whatnot's. If you can't deal with the silence, go watch Ellen.

Also, Marat's big little sister, Dinara Safina, is in her winning form. Well, we could add Daniela Hantuchova, the 2 female Serbs, (Anna Chakvetadze ate dirt and is going home since she lost to Jelena Dokic) and the Williams are all set for the next round. My tummy hurts. I'd just type again tomorrow.


MORAL: Go Williams! Since Sharapova is not participating, the Aussie Open is a li'l quiet. I have to look for someone else to "smash" like.... Radek Stepanek. Oh yeah.

Today Leaves A Page in History Books

How, what, why? (Note that I'm narrating in Manila time telecast.)

First is because today is US President-Elect Barack Obama's inauguration. He becomes the 44th President of the United States of America. However, another reason is that Ellen finally caught George Clooney! From Kate Hudson, to Dolly Parton, Victoria's Secret Angels, and Chip and Dales, Ellen finally found the right formula to lure George Clooney out from his office, which is just like a stone's throw away from the studio. She got retro baseball stars who were the hotshots during George's days. Sans the details, having George guest in Ellen all of a sudden makes the show hmmm let's say a little less interesting because well, if you finally get what you want, what do you aim for? So, I think Ellen's having another (insert celebrity name here) Watch, like how she did George Watch. Haha.

Btw, I still think Nicole Vaidisova should ditch Radek Stepanek because they're like doing the combination from the movie Wimbledon wherein the girl (Kirsten Dunst) is the hotshot and the guy (Paul Bettany aka the albino in The Da Vinci Code) is the aging tennis pro. The story goes like they're together and the guy gets so inspired that he's winning again while their relationship is not that helpful for the girl as she loses her matches. Wow! Just like Nicole and Radek! He recently won a title over Fernando Verdasco (let's see if he's doing the same with Ana Ivanovic) and Nicole just lost in the first round in the Australian Open against Severine Bremond.

And you call this an entry.

MORAL: There are days that are so compelling they make me type an entry even though I am really busy doing a lot of things that I really need to do. So... What am I going to do? I don't know. Let me just type here a joke I got from my cousin. If it's really corny, smile. If you find it amusing, smile, too. Don't be a Nega-Star.

Juan accidentally hit a vase in the museum and broke it. The curator was very nervous.
Curator: Oh no! Sir, that vase is more than 500 years old!
Juan sighed with relief and said, "Thank heavens! I thought it was brand new!"

Smile. If you didn't get it, read again. If it's really annoying, forget it. I'll be continuing my work. Next post would probably be my "What Happened in 2008" even though it's halfway through January already.

Rumor Has It : Not Marat Please

If it is so, this is the worst year for tennis ever.
(Second to Martina Hingis' retirement.)

There are rumors that the tennis god (of looks, racquets, and negative energy) named Marat Safin is playing his last year of competitive tennis this year, effing 2009.

If this rumor is true, then what is this?

BAD NEWS! Madness! A tragedy! For me, this is worse than earthquakes, flash floods, landslides, tsunamis, and global warming! Global warming will be greatly affected because it is going to be a lot cooler around the world. One hot man down, Cristiano Ronaldo and David Beckham to go.

I still can't accept that evil rumor. Why? Because it is possible that this could be his last year playing. Annoying shiz.

Do you see the black eye the hot tennis god sports? According to Joppet, the devil's advocate, Marat told in an interview, "There was a small problem. I wasn't in the right place at the right time, put it this way: I won the fight."

See? He starts this year playing in the Hopman Cup with his equally big sister, Dinara Safina, who has dyed her hair brunette. She's a blonde, so what the heck. New Year, new look. (Just so, Marat is around 6'4" while Dinara is around 6 feet.) The story is that the siblings were not really close to each other but only started to talk more about each other (communication is key) just last year (2008) which was like Dinara's best year ever.

So he can't retire! Tennis ratings would then receive an all-time low. And a lot of people will mourn. Thus, the oceans will rise. See Marat Safin's effect to the world?


MORAL: That better be a dang stupid rumor. Or else...

'Tis The Season To Be Banging

When you slept at 6am after downing a lot of vodka mixes (vodka + cranberry juice, vodka + iced tea, vodka + red bull) and you woke up at 8:30am the same day, you know it's New Year. I set my alarm at 8:35am and waking up before my alarm is a miracle. It wasn't possible in 2008, so it's definitely not 2008 anymore. Off to a good start, I guess. Oh, Happy New Year. :)

How was Christmas? It wasn't as jovial as I wanted it to be but seeing my cousins and relatives is not just an annual thing, it's like an almost monthly extravaganza because we always see each other during birthday bashes and any occasion that needs people to verify it actually happened. I'm not complaining, I liked Christmas Oh Eight with all the Christmas money I got from aunts and uncles who would not be giving me Christmas money in 2 years time (because I'm probably working by then). Going home opening gifts from our extended family members is a bliss because I can attest that opening gifts, tearing up those red and green wrappers like how Incredible Hulk would do to trucks around him is a sure stress buster. The Holidays is not so stress-free as you think it is. Not when you have a big family.

I have somewhat done a lot of reading over the "break" (I didn't really have a lot of free time) but reading the word "resume" as resumé reminds of on-the-job training and DANG it totally creeps me out. Watching marathons of some reality shows, a lot of downloaded DVD rips, reading magazines and books, fixing my music library, and writing my never-ending "+" imagination, time is not in my hands.

I just read that being happy makes healthy people live 7.5 to 10 years longer. What does this say about being "emo"? That eventually, (sans accidents) the world will end with happy people because "emos" would be physically dead (but then they're now happy) by then?

I haven't checked/opened my e-mail ever since Christmas break started. Woohoo!!! I'm so proud of myself. I am sarcastic. Hmm, if you are ironic and tell others you are ironic, are you being ironic?

Yet the really something I want to ask to everyone who has been enjoying the Holiday Season, how much do you now weigh?


MORAL: Not wanting to open the Internet browser just because it reminds you of work is so bull. Not opening it just because there are a lot of tabs you saved is also bull. If you haven't opened your Internet browser because of those reasons, you're not a bull. For who knows what, I'm still typing in Notepad.

B And B

What's with the letter B? Beyonce and Britney. B and B? Beavis and Butthead. Bread and Butter. Blah and Blah? See?

I have mentioned before that watching Beyonce and the Pussycat Dolls is just like doing Hip Hop Abs or other aerobic exercises. I think I could do my own exercise video. You just have to sing Britney Spears' song Womanizer in normal volume (don't whisper the song or else it'll lose the purpose) then watch Beyonce's Single Ladies video.



There are a number of possible outcomes from it and I will end at magic seven:

1.) You end up not doing any.
2.) Your jaw fell when you saw the music video.
3.) You ended up watching Britney's music video for Circus instead.
4.) You fell asleep even before reaching this part of the entry.
5.) You sang Womanizer and did some of Britney's moves in the video.
6.) You sang If I Were A Boy instead and didn't dance at all.
7.) You were not able to do both (singing and dancing) but was able to keep-up with Beyonce's dance moves. Now, you're dead tired you could sleep for days.

Good job.


MORAL: If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it. If you're a daddy-oh and you got the swagger of a champion. I'm sorry, too bad for you, you just can't find the right companion. Womanizer. If I were a boy? Whaaaat?!

The Yaya Sisterhood

Belly (or Yaya Belle for some) is sick. She has colds. So, she asked her sister, Sanny (Yaya Susan - you get the trend? Just add letter Y in every name and it's suddenly more fun to pronounce!) to buy orange. She stated it very clearly, "Could you buy me orange on your way home?" So Yaya Susan went home just now, and was very proud, "I bought you Royal! It's very big!"

Ugh. It's not Royal Tru-Orange soda Belly was referring to, but real fruit oranges.

Fail.

So we got into a conversation/sharing on how Royal Tru-Orange has affected the lives of many people. In the province, my yaya said that sometimes Royal is used as a viand when nothing else is available. Another said that it is used as medicine or "pusher" to make sick people eat again when they have lost their appetite.

Just yesterday, our neighbor asked my mom if there's anyone named Bacharo living with us. She said yes and said that it was Yaya Cathy's (my lola's yaya) maiden name. Our neighbor said, "Oh, I think she won in the raffle." My mom hurriedly told us about it and made Cathy summon her SSS card for identification purposes. She went around the barangay and found out true enough she won one of the major prizes - a TV. Here's the dilemma. My dad who was (I think he was) cleaning our car was approached by the Tanod and was offered to buy the raffle tickets. So he bought the tickets and forced all of our yayas to fill them up. So... What to do? My dad just sold the TV to Cathy for more than 50% off. BTW, Cathy lost 500 pesos to my Dad when she bet against Pacquiao.

Next time I'll introduce you to the members of the Yaya Sisterhood. They're loud and funny. Trust me.


MORAL: So what have we learned here? It is to listen to the other person clearly and try to remember what was said. If you thought you just heard a gargle or an odd sequence of sounds, s/he might be actually saying something! So clarify if you have problems or if you were not able to hear it properly. Also, I think I need to win something yet. My dad already won a Magic Sing, my sister some shopping GCs, Yaya Susan in her mini-Lotto sprees, and Yaya Cathy just recently, a TV. I can't remember if my brother has won anything yet.

Masamang Biyahe : Bad Trip

Man, mahaba ito. Masusubukan ang reading comprehension, endurance, at open-mindedness mo sa entry kong ito. Challenge ito, pare, challenge ito!

Ihanda ang iyong sarili sa isang impormal na Filipino entry. Kasi kung pormal (Ano ba other terms for formal sa Filipino? Tinatamad ako maghanap.) baka magsawa ka pangalawang pangungusap pa lang. Handa, basa.

Kanina wala kaming pasok sa Theology kasi may misa para sa mga Calatagan farmers. So, unang klase ko yung Philosophy class namin. Pumasok ako ng 10 minutes earlier than the usual time akong dumadating sa school kasi kailangan ko magsubmit ng reflection paper sa OSA. Teka simulan natin sa tricyle area sa Mini-Stop. May nauna sa akin na sumakay, tapos tinanong siya nung trike driver kung saan siya. Narinig ko (kasi chismosa ako) na sa library siya bababa. So nung tinanong siya kung special (kung mag-isa ka lang na bibiyahe special yun kasi solo ka eh, duh) na yung trip niya, tinuro niya ako na baka raw sasabay ako. Ganito nangyari sa usapan, "Saan ka?" tanong ng tricycle driver sa akin. "Xavier po," sagot ko. Nagkamot siya ng freaking ulo niya na obvious namang freaking hindi makati pero ang meaning niya since action speaks louder than words, "Sakay ka na lang sa iba." Pero dahil kuripot din yata yung nakasakay na female Atenista roon, sabi ko, "Manong, magkalapit lang ho ang Xavier and yung library." Matigas si Manong. Astig ka! Parang ayaw pa rin ako pasakayin hanggang nagreklamo na yung nakasakay sa loob, "Malapit lang yung Xavier at library," pilit niyang sinasabi. Kulit kasi eh. Magkalapit lang naman talaga yun.

So noong nasa loob na kami, kinausap ako nung babae. Mas tipid daw if dalawa or tatlo. Oo naman ako. Mahal na raw kasi magtrike lalo na kung mag-isa. Hello, nagrollback na nga ang gasolina pero ang mahal pa rin ng fare. Unfair! Bad trip. Pagdating ko sa OSA para magsubmit ng filler, SARADO ang hinayupak na office. Dahil daw sa Calatagan farmers kaya sarado sila. Eh 10 minutes na lang Philo class ko na. Bad trip! Mamaya na lang after ng Philo class ako magsusubmit.

Fast forward 4 hours later. Pumunta kami sa Gateway check lang if makanonood kami ng Bolt or Quarantine kung ano man yung swak sa oras. However, father, mother, brother, sister, WALANG malapit na showing. Yung Bolt in 3D, PHP 271. What the freaking heck?! Bad trip! Tinanong ko yung nagpupunit ng ticket sa entrance ng mga sinehan kung bakit mahal yung Bolt. "3D kasi siya, may kasamang 3D glasses." So hindi ko na naman napigilang magcomment, "Eh paano po kung may 3D glasses (may Hannah Montana 3D glasses kami courtesy of our cable provider) kaming dala? 271 pesos pa rin?" Oo raw, kasi may food na rin. Hmm, baka Pedigree or Alpo, di bale na lang. PHP271 pa rin yun. Dang, bad trip! Kumain na lang kami sa Taco Bell, benta ang order ni Joppet, Cheesy Fiesta Pota... What?! Pota?! Bad word! Tae ka, totoong nakasulat yun. Ito proof Pota-to kasi eh. May ADHD ka ba, sheez.


So tapos na yang POTA-to shiz, umuwi na lang kami kasi nga wala naman kaming mapapanood na iba dahil hindi nga swak yung screening schedule sa budget time namin. So makikipagkita na lang ulit ako sa kaibigan ko sa SM tapos diretso kami Robinsons Galleria para manood ng Quarantine or James Bond - kung anuman maabutan. WHAAAAAADAAAAAA, super traffic! Parang lahat ng tao biglang naisipang bumiyahe nang sabay-sabay! Bad trip! Diyahe, pare, bad trip! Hindi kami umabot sa schedule, late ng 30 minutes. Ayos naman, 9:40PM pa yung next showing. Hahahahachoo. Bad trip. Ayaw talaga ako papanuorin? Ay teka, bakit pala James Bond or Quarantine at hindi Bolt? Kasi may promo ang Robinsons na kapag doon ka manonood, may raffle coupon ka para sa raffle nilang 1-meter Bolt plush toy (shocks super cute masasapak mo katabi mo). Nagsearch ako ng screening schedules sa Operating Systems class namin habang nagdidiscuss yung teacher ko, boring siya, pare. Anyway, naghati ang Bolt and James Bond sa isang cinema. Sa bandang hapon ang Bolt, sa gabi James Bond. Bad trip hindi ako abot sa Bolt! So umuwi na lang kami kasi nga wala na, masiyado nang gabi. Goodness, traffic pa rin pauwi! Nagbus na lang kami kasi nga traffic parin, maghihirap ka kapag nagtaxi ka. Sa TV, palabas Eva Fonda starring Christine Reyes na super ganda at crush ko/namin. Iyon pa yung episode na gagahasain siya ni Baron-suck-my-face-manyakis-ako Geisler. Bad trip. So umuwi na ako, may dala nanay ko na pansit Malabon. For me raw, kasi walang sahog na epal (read: meat) so kain ako. Ayos 'Nay, walang lasa yung pansit Malabon. "Anak, hayaan mo na. Free lang kasi yan eh kaya tanggapin mo na kung walang lasa." Bad trip.

Bad trip count: 12


MORAL: Ang pagiging bad trip ay hindi relative at hindi subjective. Talagang bad trip lang. Ano magagawa mo? Wala. Mainis ka lang nang sandali kasi nga bad trip eh. Tapos magmove-on ka na. Habang nagtatype ako nito, nanonood ako ng Ellen, start na ng 12 Days of Christmas niya. Bad trip, gadgets galore ang first day! Tinuturuan ni Ellen ang audience niya na maging materialistic at mag-expect ng something in return always. Lagi pa naman akong nanonood ng Ellen, at yun ang moral ng show niya. Be materialistic because it is fun. Bad trip ka, 'tol.

Grand total bad trip count: 18 (including MORAL and Title)